Kate – Page 106 – Daily Graces

Just Around the Riverbend

Published on July 17, 2015July 17, 2015 by KateLeave a comment

I hope you all, whoever you all are =) , haven’t felt too neglected the past week or so. I had some family visiting and decided to take a little break to spend good quality time that I don’t often get with them. But, they are home now and we are re-finding our routines. It was a lovely visit and we all were sorry it was over. I know that my family will miss us as much as we will miss them, though there are probably a few things they are happy to be leaving behind them as they board their plane to head home.

One thing that they are likely happy to leave behind are all the movie soundtracks we listen to. All, day, long. Really, we have music playing pretty consistently during the day, periodically breaking out into song and dance to go with it. John has a sensitive side and is very drawn to visuals, so he loves movies and TV. However, he becomes overly committed emotionally to pretty much every character he encounters, good or bad. One way we are helping ease him into stories and plots is through the music. We can play a soundtrack and talk about who the characters are, what is happening, who is a “good guy” and who is a “bad guy.” We are also doing some music appreciation by letting the soundtracks play when it is only instrumental music so John and Rosie can try to figure out if it’s a happy song, a sad song, an angry song, etc.

Our current obsession just switched from Tarzan to Pocahontas, in case disney-pocahontas you didn’t catch the reference in the title. I haven’t been able to get this song out of my head! Due to the fact that it’s on repeat, I’ve had a lot of time to think about it. Just before the song officially starts, Pocahontas’ father, Powhatan, has a few lines of song/dialogue. They are:

As the river cuts his path
Though the river’s proud and strong
He will choose the smoothest course
That’s why rivers live so long

They’re steady …
As the steady beating drum

Then the song starts:

What I love most about rivers is:
You can’t step in the same river twice
The water’s always changing, always flowing
But people, I guess, can’t live like that
We all must pay a price
To be safe, we lose our chance of ever knowing
What’s around the riverbend
Waiting just around the riverbend

(lyrics from http://www.fpx.de/fp/Disney/Lyrics/Pocahontas.html)

And so on. I was thinking about their two different perspectives on rivers. Chief Powhatan sees them as steady, constant and unchanging. Yet his daughter has a completely different take on it. I found myself thinking about how these two views of the river can be applied to life. In some ways, our lives are steady and constant. We have routine and ritual. We wake up, we live our day, we go to sleep, we do it all over again. But our lives are always constantly changing and evolving. I am seeing it every day as Clare grows. Just 10 days ago she was starting to cruise around on furniture, holding on with two hands and taking tentative steps. Today, literally 10 minutes ago as I type this, she was walking along a wall, got to the end, looked at me across the room, let go and took about 5 solo steps before falling. Incredible! What a change.

Sometimes change is hard. In life, there are always unknowns and uncertainty. We all have our own riverbends. We can’t quite see around them. As we get closer, we might get a bit of a glimpse, but we won’t see the full picture until we round that corner. Maybe there will be a calm stream. Perhaps a swift current or even some rapids. It’s difficult to anticipate what is unknown.

It is easy to be paralyzed by this unknowing. There is a lot of risk turning that corner. It may feel like the unknown is too big to risk the safety of our current spot on the river. This has been a challenge for me for a long time. I like to plan and as I’ve shared before, I am an excellent worrier. But God has been working on me, giving me lots of opportunities in this Air Force life to let go of the worry and the long-term plan in favor of His plan, both for me and for my family.

As I’ve let go, I think I’m starting to understand something about the riverbends in life. If I believe that God’s love and grace has been with me up until now, then I should logically believe that His love and grace is waiting for me around that riverbend. If His love and grace are waiting for me, then what’s around the riverbend isn’t necessarily unknown. Yes, I don’t know the exact situations or circumstances that I will be facing, but I do know where God will be, and isn’t that the most important thing? There is a great prayer that expresses this. It is part of a much longer prayer by St. Patrick.

St_Patrick1

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,

(For full prayer, click here)

I just love the concrete imagery. Now, as I wonder about what will happen next for our family, especially if and when we will be moving to a new duty station, I can slow myself down and think of this prayer. I can even add to it.

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ even beyond my sight.

What We Value Most

Published on July 5, 2015July 5, 2015 by KateLeave a comment

With the 4th of July upon us, what better time to take a moment to think about what matters most to us, as individuals and as a nation.

I took the kids to the park one morning this weekend. It wasn’t super hot in the mornings so we tried to get as much outside time as we could before the sun’s rays tried to burn my pasty children and myself. Anyway, I let John and Rosie pick out their own clothes most days. I do this for a few reasons. 1. It’s a simple thing that they can feel they have control over – a big deal for little ones. 2. We have done hysterical pictures from the combinations of clothing they have come up with. Recently I’ve added another advantage to this system. Taking 2 small kids to parks, especially large ones like the one we went to, is challenging. Add the baby who detests the stroller and things can get downright ugly fast. So, their tendency for flair and mismatched attire has the added bonus of an extremely identifiable child.

I didn’t take pictures but I wish I had. Rosie had chosen a pink shirt with sheep on it, florescent orange shorts, pink socks with Anna from Frozen on them pulled up as high as she could so they could “be like boots Mommy,” and a strange cross between pink and orange, very bright, gym shoes. John had a blue and orange football shirt with a pair of plaid-ish shorts that included purple and neon green lines. He rounded out his look with red socks and teenage mutant ninja turtle gym shoes. We were a pretty special sight that day.

You have to understand that playing at the park would be so much easier if I actually did have eyes in the back of my head. Or extra arms. Or could bilocate. Or had super speed. Or was capable of mind control. Any of these would be amazing. Give me two or three and I would be unstoppable, or rather, my child would be completely stoppable, which is usually the goal.

You probably by now have some idea of where this story is heading. I was pushing Clare on a swing and talking with John while he climbed on one of the two park structures nearby. Rosie had been climbing with John too. As I talked to John I realized that Rosie wasn’t talking too. I looked and didn’t see her. Enter Panic, stage left.

I try not to overreact when something like this happens, but it’s hard not to. My kids are precious gifts and losing one sends my heart racing faster than anything. I started to call for Rosie, limited in my range of of movement because Clare was in the swing and I hoped she would pop out from behind a slide or something. No response. I kept scanning for her bright shorts to appear. Panic sets in deeper and I hail Clare out. I keep calling her, trying not to sound as paniced as I felt. After only a few minutes I found her climbing stairs to a slide on the other park structure. The flash of pink and florescent orange was unmistakable. She came down the slide and proudly told me how she did it all by herself. All by herself indeed!

As my racing heart calmed, it got me thinking about other things in my life that have such power over me. Stop and think about it. What makes your heart beat faster when it’s out of sight? What commands all of your attention when you can’t find it? What would you never leave the house without and would even turn around to go get if you did forget it?

Here’s my list:

Kids – probably obvious but you never know, not to rat my parents out but I was forgotten at church a time or two (yes, they always came back for me and I anticipate the same occuring to at least of my children at some point in life – sorry in advance!)

Pacifiers – absolute necessity, the level of difficulty for our outing increases tenfold without one.

Phone – I hate admitting this, but I know where my phone is at every moment of every day. Literally, it’s a problem. Even right now, it’s next to me on the couch. I know where it is before I go to bed. I’ve even noticed that when I go to wear a skirt or pants without pockets, my awareness of my phone’s whereabouts is greatly heightened.

Wallet – this one I don’t think about as much because it always resides in my purse but if I ever need to take it out while at home, I am a bit twitchy until it’s back in it’s rightful place. Not only does it have my license, which is important, it also has my military ID. I simply cannot lose those two cards.

There was something disturbing about my mental exercise. My Bible didn’t make the list. I know where it is, I used it a few days ago to work on a bible study. But I hadn’t read it since. I’m fact, in the past weeks, I’d only read it for a weekly bible study. The things on my list are so precious to me and my happiness I keep them very close and use/engage with them multiple times a day. Shouldn’t the Word of God meet those criteria? It was a convicting thought. It was one of those revelations that ends with “well now I have to do something about this because I can’t claim ignorance anymore.” It’s going to require I change some habits, I am still a work in progress. But I am, I hope, progressing.

What makes your list? What is missing?

So much whining, where’s the wine?

Published on July 1, 2015July 1, 2015 by KateLeave a comment

John will be 4 years old in a few days. Where did the time go? Cliche, but seriously, where did it go? If someone can find it for me, I’d really like to have it back. Though, if it’s possible, I’d like to be selective about what parts I would like back. For example, I would absolutely love to have back John’s first time he found his toes. He could suck on his toes like they were thumbs, it was hysterical. I would also love to experience again John’s delight when he finally let go of the wall and started to walk across the room. His amazement at his accomplishment was beautiful and so much fun (and a huge new challenge for us) to have a real walker.

With all those good memories are of course some that aren’t so great. Presently, I would be happy to let go of the whining. Oh my goodness, the whining!! It feels like every time I have to tell John “no” or “stop” or “John, you may not play baseball in the house, or give Clare a hug so strong she falls over, or push Rosie out of the way (after politely opening the refrigerator for her) so that you can get your milk first and proceed to spill it all over the refrigerator, the floor, and your sister” he has a complete melt down. Or, my personal favorite, flat out tells me no. Me – his mother! Oh no, that’s not how this house works. It’s all I can do some days to make it to bedtime when I can sit down with a glass of wine.

How I feel at the end the day sometimes, especially when Ben is gone

I’m not sure how I’m going to effectively, compassionately and patiently deal with John. But his whiney attitude has gotten me thinking. Do I whine? Or, to be a bit more sophisticated do I complain (but let’s all be honest, complaining is just whining with somewhat more articulate words)? As I thought about it more, I was shocked to realize that one of the first things that came to mind was a phrase that you may be familiar with: “I don’t mean to complain but…” What I’m really saying is “I’m about to complain about something, but I’m going to throw this little disclaimer in front of it to make it all aright and now you have to listen to me.” And, I hate to admit it, I say this more often than I would like.

God never said “Thou shall not complain.” Jesus never told his disciples “Guys, stop complaining about how many people are following us. I’ll deal with dinner.” God lets us complain.

What is complaining? Why do we do it? We complain when something/someone irritates us or when we are lacking something. When we feel something is out of order, most of us at least, will probably complain about it, even just to ourselves. We complain when we are worried, when we feel things are not going the way we want it, or when something is beyond our control.

To be fair, there are very legitimate times in life when a situation may be unfair, when something happens that we do not like or are hurt by, or when we are feeling under-appreciated.

Take this story from the Gospel of Mark (Mk 4:35-41) from a few Sundays ago. Jesus tells his disciples they should cross to the other side of the lake. That night, there was a storm. Jesus, apparently, is a heavy sleeper and doesn’t notice. The disciples are worried and scared so they go to wake Jesus with this fabulous line: “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing.” Do you not care is about as close to complaining as you can get in my book. Our pastor had an interesting take on this scripture. He asked us to think about the level of trust the disciples demonstrated in this situation versus how much they should have had in Jesus. Didn’t they trust he would take care of them? Why were they so concerned? They were, after all, pretty much all fishermen. And yet they were worried enough to wake Jesus and complain that he did not care about them.

Jesus’ response is excellent: “Why are you terrified? Do you not yet have faith?” Do you not yet have faith? Our pastor had another interesting insight to offer, one I hadn’t thought about before. Remember how I said maybe Jesus was a heavy sleeper? What if Jesus was only pretending to be asleep, waiting to see how long before the disciples faith weakened – a test, if you will. This was my big take-away.

When I complain about something, I am usually still trying to control and fully understand the situation. I am acting like the disciples – questioning whether or not God cares.

God does care. Time and again, scripture and experience have confirmed for me that God doesn’t simply care, He is wholly committed to my happiness. So, instead of whining about when things aren’t going my way, I need to let go of the problem. The harder I hold onto it, the longer I keep it to myself, the louder the whining. So, when I find myself whining, it means it’s time to take a minute, breathe deeply, sometimes have a glass of wine, and loosen my grip.

If you feel like your boat is rocking in waves beyond your control, maybe it’s time to wake up Jesus, maybe it’s time for that glass of wine.

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