Kate – Page 107 – Daily Graces

Choices, choices, choices

Published on June 21, 2015June 21, 2015 by KateLeave a comment

It was awful. Truly, I’m trying to come up with the best words to describe this particular trip to Target, but they are escaping me.

Ben had deployed a few days earlier. The same day he left, Rosie started running a fever and had a croupy cough. Within 2 days, John followed suite and was worse than Rosie. We were down to our last ounces of milk and there wasn’t any bread left in the freezer (I get a little twitchy when I don’t have back ups). We were low on snacks and had eaten the last apple the day before. Our base commissary only has food stuffs and I had a few other things I needed that were outside the realm of bread, milk and cheese. Also, due to the fevers and coughs, we had not driven anywhere for at least 3 days.

Rosie was over her fever. John was starting to feel better, and given the state of our pantry, it was time to get to the store. That morning, Clare, of course, chose to cut another tooth and was drooling worse than a dog over a fresh bone. I honestly didn’t know she was capable of that much, it was pretty crazy. Anyway, you probably don’t need more descriptions about that.

So, to Target we went. We had skyped with Ben earlier and I told him it was either going to be a really good trip or a really bad one, not a whole lot of room in between. It started out good. Clare slept some in the car and seemed happy. John and Rosie were doing well. All was good and I was confident. About halfway through, things weren’t so good. Clare was over being in the cart and Rosie was upset with the amount of stuff in her cart (we need two so I don’t lose anyone). After finally negotiating with Rosie, she ended up in a good place, thank goodness, because Clare did not. If you can imagine, I got us to check out in this fashion: Carrying Clare while pushing one cart with John in the seat and pulling another behind me with Rosie in the basket. Still not sure how that one worked out but we did it.

I was in a foul mood when we got home. Clare had screamed the whole way home and Rosie had fallen asleep before lunch and I was convinced she had ruined her real nap aka my super necessary break for the day. I had to get the kids in the house, the cold groceries put away and lunch on the table as quickly as possible. I was also very hungry since I had forgotten to bring a snack in the car – I get twitchy when I am nursing a baby and don’t eat often enough. So, quite a grouchy mamma.

Long story short, obviously everyone survived. Lunch was eaten, Clare got to sleep (much to her dismay) and I managed to eat some left over roasted potatoes and yogurt. Eclectic but delicious.

After such a long morning, I wasn’t exactly in the mood to cook dinner. I wrestled back and forth with cooking versus just going to Burger King on base. With John not feeling well and Rosie recovering, I knew that that fast food was probably not the best decision, but it was so tempting. It’s such an easy choice. No planning, no dirty dishes. Not necessarily cost effective but certainly convenient.

We all know this feeling. There is the choice that you know is right, and the choice that is easy. How many times do we choose the easy way and regret it later. Often the right choice is a bit harder, it takes longer and may require more effort. Now I don’t know what kind of evening we would have had if I had chosen the easy choice. Maybe it would have been delightful – John and Rosie love french fries and Clare probably would have gotten some more sleep in the car. Maybe it would have been horrible – John could have gotten sick later because of the greasy food and Clare could have screamed like she did earlier. I hope, and I believe, that whatever the outcome of the easy decision, the night we had because of the right decision was far better.

I decided to cook the pork tenderloin that I had gotten earlier that day. When I asked the kids if they wanted noodles or chips as a side (hoping that chips would be the answer since there was no effort involved – still trying to take the easy way even though I know better). Rosie, bless her my chip lover, said noodles. Even when I asked a second time, convinced she must not have heard her choices correctly, said noodles.

Noodles it was. If I was going to make noodles for the second night in a row, we weren’t going to just have buttered noodles again. John and Rosie have started helping me salt the water and enjoy helping in the kitchen. I decided it was time to try our hand at pesto. We have two basil plants in the backyard and I have been meaning to make a fresh batch

since receiving a food processor for Mother’s Day from Ben. I love how much John and Rosie like to help in the kitchen. They enjoy contributing and being a part of the action. As soon as I moved toward the back door with a measuring cup they were with me, ready to help pick basil leaves and make sure they all stayed in the cup. Then, they helped measure and pour pine nuts and garlic. Though the didn’t like how loud the food processor was, they did like helping to taste and mix.

After that, the night went well. I mean, John’s fever was the highest it had been thus far and Clare proceeded to scream at me until she finally fell asleep, poor thing, that tooth was a rough one. But my mood was so much better. I had accomplished something productive, a decent meal. I felt renewed from earlier in the day when I believed I was completely defeated. One right choice changed my whole day. It doesn’t matter that the kids were still difficult, my attitude made all the difference. I am so thankful that I listened to the right choice instead of the easy choice. Even though I don’t know how the easy choice would have ended, I’m confident it would not have been as good or fulfilling as the right choice.

Recipes for those interested

Pork: I sprinkled my pork tenderloin with salt, pepper, garlic powder and fennel seeds. I then cooked it for about 20 minutes a pound at 425 in a roasting pan. Roast until internal temperature reaches at least 150, between 30 and 40 minutes. Be sure to let it rest for at least 5 minutes to soak up the juices.

Pesto: I used a recipe from The Food Network but I halved it because I didn’t have enough basil for a whole recipe and since it was just the kids and I, we didn’t need as much. The recipe is here: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchens/basil-pesto-recipe2.html. The kids chose to use ziti noodles because they liked how it sounded better then elbows.

Enjoy!

Messy Faces

Published on June 12, 2015June 12, 2015 by KateLeave a comment

I love babies and how completely ignorant they are of their facial cleanliness. Clare really loves to eat and is especially talented at getting food all over her face. Some days, like yesterday, I wonder what got more food, her stomach or her eyebrows. She is blissfully unaware of what she looks like, happy to keep eating, laughing and making a certified disaster area of her high chair.

As much as I sometimes wish she would just sit still and eat like a normal person, I have to stop and think about what that statement really means. “Eat like a normal person.” What I actually mean is “Eat more like me.” Meaning: sitting in one place, using a fork correctly, taking small bites, actually chewing the food, not needing assistance, and definitely not ending up with pureed sweet potatoes down my shirt and across my forehead like war paint. But this is unfair to Clare. I am asking her to be something she is not. She is a baby. She is not an adult. It is unfair for me to expect more than she can give.

Clare, and all babies, are perfect examples of what it means to live life to the best of their ability. They do not know how to be inauthentic, to be sarcastic, to be judgmental, or to hold anything back. They live fully in the present moment. They do not dwell on the past and they do not worry about the future. They are not worried about appearances and are capable of unconditional love.

Yes, of course, babies are not capable of critical thinking, of complex decision making and a host of other things that are necessary for a functioning adult. However, there is something be said for the attitude of a baby.

I think that God is asking us to be a bit more like babies. A bit less worried about appearances, a little less concerned about the past and less occupied with the future. It is so easy to get caught up in comparing ourselves to one another we lose sight of who we are. Instead, we are focused on what we aren’t. It’s ok to get a little messy sometimes. So if you happen to see me and my hair isn’t perfect, the dishes are totally done or my kiddos have on mismatched socks, it’s because we are trying to spend more time laughing and playing and a little less time concerned about the tings that can wait. We only have today, today, it won’t be here tomorrow. I hope you find some time today to get a little joyfully messy too.

Touching the Water

Published on June 4, 2015June 4, 2015 by KateLeave a comment

Last night I was giving Clare (the baby) a bath. She loves bath time, especially kicking and splashing water everywhere. She is fascinated with the water. It’s interesting to observe how she is learning about water and how it is different than anything else she encounters. She will go from kicking and thrashing around to very still while she tries in vain to pick up the water. She stares intently at the surface of the water and slowly lowers her hand. She tries to keep it above the water and pick it up with her fingers. Fail. She tries to put her hand under the water and then pinch it between her fingers. Foiled again. Last night Exploring water she kept looking up at me as if to say, “Come on Mom, help me out. What am I doing wrong?” She will, of course, eventually learn about how water works and that we can’t just pick it up like a ball, a crayon, or the rather noisy bunch of Legos she is currently banging together as I type this.

It’s funny how one thought, one image, can send your mind hurtling down a path of which you feel like you have no control and then pull you back to the present in a matter of seconds. That sensation is what happened to me while I was watching Clare try to understand how the surface of the water worked. While she explored this basic principle of life, my mind went whizzing through the story of Peter in the boat when Jesus walks on water. (Refresher: see Matthew 14:22-33).

He had just fed the crowd of 5 thousand with the 5 loaves and 2 fish. Jesus tells his disciples, “Go on ahead, I’ll finish saying good bye to the crowd and send them home. I’ll catch up” (Or something like that, I’m imagining and fleshing out some dialogue here and following:) Maybe the disciples were grateful, after all they must have had a long day passing out food and managing the crowd. Maybe some of them tried to stay with Jesus, insisting that he must be exhausted too and need not over exert himself. However it happened, the disciples were on the boat without Jesus. Matthew tells us that it was the 4th watch of the night, so very late at night or very early in the morning, depending on your view. The sun had probably not broken over the horizon, but dawn was not too far off. Enough light to see a shape coming toward the boat, even in the wind and waves.

Can you imagine the thoughts that went through the disciples’ minds? Scripture gives us one – a ghost. And what else could it be really? We all know that nothing can stand on liquid water. We know this fact so deeply it is not something we even ponder or debate. It seems our desire for survival forbids us from even testing the possibility. And yet, Jesus walked on water.

Even more shocking is what happens next. Peter, in all his brashness, in his forthright, confident, and somewhat naive manner, commands Jesus! Can you picture yourself as one of the other disciples, listening to Peter? Have you ever seen people take a step away from someone who has just said something outrageous, silly or wrong as if to say “I’m not actually with that person who just messed up over there, don’t look at me please.” I kind of imagine that’s what the other disciples did. “What did he say? You didn’t actually mean that Peter. Jesus, he really didn’t mean it. Please Jesus, ghost, or whatever you are, don’t make us walk on the water too!”

Jesus, in the rendition I currently have playing in my head, smiles and shakes his head at Peter. He acquiesces to Peter’s request and commands him to come out on the water. Incredibly, Peter does. Remember, he has just witnessed Jesus feeding that huge crowd with a small amount of food. It truly was a miracle of enormous proportions and must have been fresh in Peter’s head. His belief in Jesus and who he was had been steadily growing. Matthew’s Gospel details numerous healings and teachings. In another instance in a boat, Jesus calms a storm. The disciple’s reaction is to question among themselves who Jesus really was.

Peter must have made a decision. In this moment, he has made a choice. No longer uncertain of who Jesus is, Peter boldly steps out of the boat. He is leaving behind the known, the understood and the safe. He is choosing to walk toward Jesus, even though the way was unsettling, uneven, and most definitely not solid. But Peter has made a choice. He must have believed that Jesus was more than just a man. He was convinced of it, or he would not have left the boat.

Once Peter was actually out of the boat, in his shock and amazement, he looked down. He doubted and that is when he began to sink. But Jesus, of course, reaches out his hand and pulls Peter up. Once back in the boat, this time the disciples do not question and wonder about who Jesus is. In Matthew’s Gospel, this is the first time that the disciples articulate that Jesus is the Son of God. Peter’s faith was the turning point.

Faith is a turning point in our lives. What do we believe in? Just how much do we believe it? Are we willing to get out of our boats – our places of safety, comfort, the known – and explore the places faith is calling us to walk. They may be places of discomfort, of the unknown, of being uncertain or perhaps even a bit afraid. Faith pushes us, it stretches us, is demands much of us. But in return, faith in God rewards us, brings us joy and peace and never, not even once, leaves us.