What NFP is NOT (Part 2)

In case you missed it, here is the first post from a few days ago that sparked this continuation.

At the close of that post I gave a basic definition of NFP (Natural Family Planning) and zeroed in on 3 key points.

  • NFP can be used for both conception and avoiding conception.
  • NFP is practiced by the couple, not the woman by herself
  • NFP is based on the natural cycle of the woman as created by God

These three things are actually the top three reasons why Ben and I have chosen to practice NFP. Thus far in our marriage, we have lived with a few different fertility mindsets. We started out in the “whenever God wants to give us a child/we are newlyweds and don’t know anything about anything” phase and conceived our son within a month of being married. We thought that the natural infertility of breastfeeding would be enough for us, then we conceived our daughter when our son was only 6 months old. Once she was born we wisened up to our fertility and began to seriously practice NFP. We prayerfully discerned when we wanted to have our next child and conceived her on the first try.

Our youngest is 18 months old now and we are back in discernment mode. With each child we’ve grown in maturity as individuals and as a couple. We have created a marriage where we can be open and honest with one another and feel safe sharing our thoughts, feelings, fears and concerns. As NFP kept coming up in the various blogs and social media that I follow, I started talking more about it with Ben.

Through those conversations we stumbled upon something neither of us had really heard before.

NFP is a tool, it is not a lifestyle.

What NFP is NOT: kktaliaferro.wordpress.com #DailyGraces
bngdesigns (2014) via Pixabay. Public Domain

The way that we understand it, NFP  should be used in support of our lifestyle. It should not become so all-consuming that it is the determining factor of our lifestyle.

For many people, NFP is perceived to be very difficult, something that takes a lot of time, dedication, and above all, sacrifice. In a way, they are right, but not quite in the right way.

Yes, NFP can be very challenging. We’ve encountered situations where Ben has been deployed/away on a long trip and he comes home right in the middle of a fertile cycle. We have a choice to make in that moment.

Yes, NFP takes time. Tracking, waking up to take temperatures and talking about family decisions takes time.

NFP takes dedication. Certainly. If you aren’t consistent in practicing NFP you won’t have a clear picture of your fertility as a couple, thus rendering the system ineffective.

NFP takes sacrifice. Definitely. As I alluded to above, there are times when you have to exercise self control and make the choice to engage with one another in another way – go for a walk, play a game of Risk, make a special dessert or dinner, etc.

Is NFP still worth it? YES!

Because we don’t practice NFP for NFP’s sake. We practice NFP because we believe that it makes us a better couple. We are more aware of our choices, we communicate better, and  we are responsible with our fertility, recognizing that it is a gift to be treasured, not an option to be turned on and off at will. Most importantly for us, NFP keeps us grounded in prayer. The main way that NFP doesn’t become an all-encompassing task-master is to understand it in the light of prayer and discernment as a couple.

Different couples will use NFP in different ways and at different times of life (tool, not lifestyle). Some couples struggle with conception and will necessarily use NFP in a different way than a couple that seems to be abundantly fertile. What is inherently beautiful about NFP is that it keeps in the forefront our understanding that life begins at conception and that each time a couple is intimate they are making a willing choice to participate in a creative act. By educating themselves and remaining dedicated to the practice, they are using the natural cycle of the female body to its fullest potential. When God created Adam and Eve in the garden, He told them to be stewards of the Garden and all things in it. Shouldn’t fertility be one of those things?

A note from my husband who has been so patient as I’ve bounced ideas off him for this and so many other posts: People today are willing to keep track of every bite of food that goes into their mouth. They are willing to keep detailed records of how many minutes they ran, how many pounds they lifted. They are willing to keep track of how many steps they take each day. They are willing to sacrifice carbs, or protein, or drink cleanses, or make smoothies. They are willing to push themselves harder than last time, run further than yesterday. We do these things to ourselves because we believe that the end result is worth it. These are all tools through which we achieve some desired goal.

NFP is no different. For some, the goal is conception. For others, the goal is to avoid conception at this time because of prayerful discernment as a couple. Some couples might choose to stop practicing NFP all together because they are ready to have another child but do not need the additional support NFP can offer for conception.

NFP is work, there’s no getting around that. But, we believe it is well worth the results.

If you are interested in learning more about NFP you are more than welcome to leave a comment or send me an email. Or, below are a couple excellent websites with resources, support and encouragement.

God bless you and your NFP journeys!

Couple to Couple League

United States Council of Catholic Bishops

Creighton Model Fertility Care System (This is what Ben and I practice)

 

 

What NFP is NOT

Well that was a long break! Thanks for sticking with me as I’ve been mulling over some new ideas and projects. I hope to be able to share them with you all soon. I’ve also been procrastinating a bit on this post. It’s one I feel called to write (frankly, each time the past 3 weeks I’ve tried to sit down to blog this is all I can think about), but let’s face it – awkward topic! So, here it goes.

Last summer I put up a brief post sharing about NFP (Natural Family Planning) awareness. I was a newish blogger and took the easy road – I just put up a quick blurb and said I would be sure to write more later, because it’s kind of an awkward subject and I didn’t really know what I wanted to say anyway. And then I never did write more later.

Well, NFP seems to be coming up a lot in my life lately, so it’s something I’ve been thinking more about. My bible study/moms group just had a lengthy discussion about it. We were all over the board for where we stood when it comes to the Church’s teachings on contraception. Some expressed the belief that it was time for the Church to “catch up” with modernity. Others felt pills were not acceptable, but condoms were OK because let’s be honest now, abstinence isn’t usually the greatest of times. One mom said she and her husband were starting to discern, discuss and sometimes argue about what plan they were going to go with. They have four children already and he has started a new, more complicated Air Force job which frequently has him away for extended periods of time. Up to this point they have gone with God’s plan for their family and child spacing, relying on breastfeeding to delay the next pregnancy. But now they are starting to feel stretched and are considering whether NFP is the way they want to go.

With NFP, for those who are unfamiliar, the couple tracks the natural fertile and infertile periods of the woman’s cycle. Then, based on that information, they discern whether or not they are going to be intimate that night. If the couple is open to a new baby, then if they happen to be on a fertile day and they are feeling romantic, awesome. But, if the couple has prayerfully discerned that at this time a new baby would not be good for their family, then they would abstain from sexual intimacy during those fertile times.

What NFP is NOT: kktaliaferro.wordpress.com #DailyGraces
bngdesigns (2014) via Pixabay. Public Domain

There are a couple of key things I’d like to hone in on from that last paragraph.

  • NFP can be used for both conception and avoiding conception.
  • NFP is practiced by the couple, not the woman by herself
  • NFP is based on the natural cycle of the woman as created by God

Note that NFP is not a lifestyle, it is a tool (more on this in Part 2).

I’m going to cut this off here before it gets too long. Part 2 is in-progress and will be posted in a few days. I’d love to hear  from you all about your joys and trials of NFP, how you feel about it etc.

Also, I realized in a whole year of blogging I’m not sure if I’ve told you that I pray for all of you who read these blogs. I appreciate your time and would love to know how I can pray for you, how we as a community can pray for you.

God bless

Kate

 

Season Your World

Season Your World. On Being the Salt of the Earth for Easter 2016. kktaliaferro.wordpress.com #DailyGraces

Happy Easter! Alleluia Jesus Christ is risen from the dead and is alive!

So this might seem like a rather unorthodox Easter post, but I promise if you stick with me it will all come together in the end.

I’m a bit of a Food Network fan, especially the competition shows. I find it incredible how chefs are able to come up with such delicious, intricate dishes in minimal time and often with minimal or odd ingredients available them. It sounds like my kitchen at 5:15pm, though typically minus the “intricate dishes” part and sometimes the “delicious” part.

I was recently watching a show called “All-Star Academy” which involves home (not professional) cooks who are mentored by celebrity chefs through a series of challenges until there is a winner (There can only be one! – shout out to my husband who enjoys yelling that at the TV whenever the judges of any competition show say something along those lines, he’s a goof and I love him for it). One of the mentors this season is Andrew Zimmern from the Travel Channel show, Bizarre Foods. While his mentees were cooking, Andrew threw out this piece of advice:

Salt is for bringing out flavor. Pepper is for adding flavor.

I was struck by this simple, straightforward piece of cooking advice that I had never heard before. Starting from my first days cooking with my mom and grandma I was always told to make sure to “salt and pepper” (and usually garlic too, we are Italian to the core) whatever we were making. It’s so automatic that I had never thought about why these two ingredients were so essential so nearly every dish we created.

Based on Andrew’s one-liner, salt is not for adding flavor. That’s pepper’s job. Rather, salt is used to bring out and enhance the flavors already present in the ingredients. According to Michael Wignall, a Michelin star British chef, “It’s [salt] the basis for any great cooking,” he says, “you can have a great dish, but if you’ve not seasoned it, it’s just not there. Salt brings the best out of food and – regardless of whether people say it’s bad for you or not – the body needs salt to work properly.” Salt must be used properly in cooking. It’s not just to sprinkle on your plate tableside or to season meat before searing, never to be touched again. Different types of food will require salt at different times, but it sounds like nearly everything requires even just a touch of salt.

I like to think in an “if, then” pattern, it helps me to find the logical flow between ideas. So, in that model, here’s what we know.

  • If salt is missing,
  • Then, a dish is lacking.
  • If salt brings out the best when used appropriately,
  • Then we have to know how, when and where to use salt in a dish.

Transition now to me driving in the car the next day and while listening to the radio hearing this Gospel verse:

“You are the salt of the earth. But if salt loses its taste, with what can it be seasoned?” (Matthew 5:13)

I was already thinking about how I use salt and pepper in my cooking and now God had layered into my thoughts the notion that we are salt in the world. This verse took on a whole new light. Actually, I had to completely re-think my understanding of it.

Prior to the revelation given by Andrew Zimmern, I had not thought about how salt functioned in my meals, just that I needed to use it. Salt isn’t necessarily supposed to add to the dish, instead it brings flavor out, enlivens, makes the best version of the dish.

Before understanding how salt works in food I don’t think I properly understood what Jesus meant when he said “You are the salt of the earth.” We aren’t necessarily bringing something new to the table. We aren’t a new flavor profile, we aren’t meant to “spice things up.” That’s not the purpose of salt. If we are the salt of the earth, then we are intended to bring out the best in the earth. We are to enliven the people we meet and help them become the best versions of themselves.

Let’s go back to those “If, Then” statements, but updated. Instead of “salt” we will say  “My witness.” “My witness” means specifically your faith, your personal witness to the mercy and love of Jesus working in your life. The “dish” is “my world”, meaning everyone and everything you come in contact with.

  • If my witness missing,
  • Then, my world is lacking.
  • If my witness brings out the best when used appropriately,
  • Then I have to know how, when and where to use my witness in my world.

Jesus doesn’t command us to be salt. He doesn’t ask us to be salt. Jesus tells us who we are: You are the salt of the earth. Our very identity is wrapped up in the mission of Jesus. Jesus sends us on mission to bring out the best in our world around us. We share our gifts and talents in order that others might come to know God better. We speak out when we see injustice and we actively work for the protection of the dignity of all people. We live each day in such a way that proclaims “This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!” even when the weather is crummy, we lost our temper with our kids, we had to wait in traffic or we received difficult news.

Season Your World. On Being the Salt of the Earth for Easter 2016. kktaliaferro.wordpress.com #DailyGracesIf we fail to live our life in this manner it is as if we have lost our saltiness. We aren’t bringing out the best in others or ourselves. We  aren’t helping the lost, comforting the sick or feeding the hungry. We are complaining, wallowing and despairing. Guess what – we all, and often do, fail.

Thank goodness this isn’t the end of the Gospel! Through the glorious resurrection of Jesus that we celebrate today, we are able to regain our saltiness. Jesus says that sin and death is not the end. Through Jesus’ death and resurrection we are able to renew ourselves as the salt of the earth. Every time we receive the Eucharist we are renewed. Every time we go to the sacrament of Reconciliation we are cleansed. Every time we choose God instead of choosing despair we are refreshed. Every time we choose things that bring life instead of wallowing in the culture of death we are reborn. Every time we embrace the cross Jesus greets us with arms outstretched, welcoming us home.

Through the blood Jesus shed for our sake, the salt of the earth can regain its saltiness. Salty once more, we find ourselves able to bring the Good News of Jesus to all corners of our world.

May you each have a blessed Easter and feel God’s love surround you. I hope you find yourself salty this Easter season.