Military – Page 3 – Daily Graces

I hope you all, whoever you all are =) , haven’t felt too neglected the past week or so. I had some family visiting and decided to take a little break to spend good quality time that I don’t often get with them. But, they are home now and we are re-finding our routines. It was a lovely visit and we all were sorry it was over. I know that my family will miss us as much as we will miss them, though there are probably a few things they are happy to be leaving behind them as they board their plane to head home.

One thing that they are likely happy to leave behind are all the movie soundtracks we listen to. All, day, long. Really, we have music playing pretty consistently during the day, periodically breaking out into song and dance to go with it. John has a sensitive side and is very drawn to visuals, so he loves movies and TV. However, he becomes overly committed emotionally to pretty much every character he encounters, good or bad. One way we are helping ease him into stories and plots is through the music. We can play a soundtrack and talk about who the characters are, what is happening, who is a “good guy” and who is a “bad guy.” We are also doing some music appreciation by letting the soundtracks play when it is only instrumental music so John and Rosie can try to figure out if it’s a happy song, a sad song, an angry song, etc.

Our current obsession just switched from Tarzan to Pocahontas, in case disney-pocahontas you didn’t catch the reference in the title. I haven’t been able to get this song out of my head! Due to the fact that it’s on repeat, I’ve had a lot of time to think about it. Just before the song officially starts, Pocahontas’ father, Powhatan, has a few lines of song/dialogue. They are:

As the river cuts his path
Though the river’s proud and strong
He will choose the smoothest course
That’s why rivers live so long

They’re steady …
As the steady beating drum

Then the song starts:

What I love most about rivers is:
You can’t step in the same river twice
The water’s always changing, always flowing
But people, I guess, can’t live like that
We all must pay a price
To be safe, we lose our chance of ever knowing
What’s around the riverbend
Waiting just around the riverbend

(lyrics from http://www.fpx.de/fp/Disney/Lyrics/Pocahontas.html)

And so on. I was thinking about their two different perspectives on rivers. Chief Powhatan sees them as steady, constant and unchanging. Yet his daughter has a completely different take on it. I found myself thinking about how these two views of the river can be applied to life. In some ways, our lives are steady and constant. We have routine and ritual. We wake up, we live our day, we go to sleep, we do it all over again. But our lives are always constantly changing and evolving. I am seeing it every day as Clare grows. Just 10 days ago she was starting to cruise around on furniture, holding on with two hands and taking tentative steps. Today, literally 10 minutes ago as I type this, she was walking along a wall, got to the end, looked at me across the room, let go and took about 5 solo steps before falling. Incredible! What a change.

Sometimes change is hard. In life, there are always unknowns and uncertainty. We all have our own riverbends. We can’t quite see around them. As we get closer, we might get a bit of a glimpse, but we won’t see the full picture until we round that corner. Maybe there will be a calm stream. Perhaps a swift current or even some rapids. It’s difficult to anticipate what is unknown.

It is easy to be paralyzed by this unknowing. There is a lot of risk turning that corner. It may feel like the unknown is too big to risk the safety of our current spot on the river. This has been a challenge for me for a long time. I like to plan and as I’ve shared before, I am an excellent worrier. But God has been working on me, giving me lots of opportunities in this Air Force life to let go of the worry and the long-term plan in favor of His plan, both for me and for my family.

As I’ve let go, I think I’m starting to understand something about the riverbends in life. If I believe that God’s love and grace has been with me up until now, then I should logically believe that His love and grace is waiting for me around that riverbend. If His love and grace are waiting for me, then what’s around the riverbend isn’t necessarily unknown. Yes, I don’t know the exact situations or circumstances that I will be facing, but I do know where God will be, and isn’t that the most important thing? There is a great prayer that expresses this. It is part of a much longer prayer by St. Patrick.

St_Patrick1

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,

(For full prayer, click here)

I just love the concrete imagery. Now, as I wonder about what will happen next for our family, especially if and when we will be moving to a new duty station, I can slow myself down and think of this prayer. I can even add to it.

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ even beyond my sight.

Faith can be super easy, especially when things are bright and cheery. It is easy to see how God is working in your life when everything is going well – you managed to clean your house, your kids are getting along for more than 3 minutes at a time and actually remembered to say “please” and “excuse me.” You or your spouse just got a raise at work and you are planning a weekend away to celebrate. You just paid off a car. Your son just got accepted to the college of his choice plus got the scholarship necessary to get him there. Your daughter just scored the winning goal in her soccer tournament, boosting her confidence in her athletic ability. You can really feel something when you go to church and father’s homily this week was as if it was designed for you. Yes, life is good.

But sometimes life isn’t so good. Sometimes, it might feel like there is a mountain in your way, blocking out all the light so all you can see are shadows shifting in the dimly lit valley. You forgot to pay the credit card this month. Your kids are fighting constantly and one is starting to talk back with harsh, hurtful words. You or your spouse just lost a job or there is a real threat that it could happen. You did not get accepted into the position you were hoping for. The baby refuses to sleep for more than 2 hours at a time during the night and you couldn’t figure out what was wrong. You go to church but don’t feel any connection. You do the motions but your soul isn’t on fire, your heart is apathetic, your mind is elsewhere. So many things can happen that are outside of your control and you feel as if everything is spiraling down into a meaningless, disorganized, futile mess.

There is a constant hidden within both of these rather polar images. Underneath the perfection and the destruction is God. Under the organization and the chaotic whirlwind is Christ. Under the model behavior and blatant disrespect is the Holy Spirit. Whether you feel it or not, each time you receive the Eucharist you are consuming the King of the Universe, becoming intimately united with the Savior of the world and of your life.

The God who loves you, made you, and has a specific purpose for you remains with you through it all, even when it seems as if all hope is lost. When the mountain appears too hard to climb, God is there, reminding you that if you have the faith of but a mustard seed, mountains can and will crumble.

***I am dedicating this post to a dear friend of mine who in the very near future will be standing at the bottom of one of her highest mountains. Her husband is deploying for a year while she remains at home with two small children, one just barely 5 months old. This is a mountain that all too many before her have faced and more will face it yet, but this knowledge does not make it any easier to climb. If you have a moment as you read this post, please lift up my friend and her family, for the safety of her husband, and for all of our military brothers and sisters who so honorably and selflessly answer the call of our nation.