Parenting/Kids – Page 26

What We Value Most

Published on July 5, 2015July 5, 2015 by KateLeave a comment

With the 4th of July upon us, what better time to take a moment to think about what matters most to us, as individuals and as a nation.

I took the kids to the park one morning this weekend. It wasn’t super hot in the mornings so we tried to get as much outside time as we could before the sun’s rays tried to burn my pasty children and myself. Anyway, I let John and Rosie pick out their own clothes most days. I do this for a few reasons. 1. It’s a simple thing that they can feel they have control over – a big deal for little ones. 2. We have done hysterical pictures from the combinations of clothing they have come up with. Recently I’ve added another advantage to this system. Taking 2 small kids to parks, especially large ones like the one we went to, is challenging. Add the baby who detests the stroller and things can get downright ugly fast. So, their tendency for flair and mismatched attire has the added bonus of an extremely identifiable child.

I didn’t take pictures but I wish I had. Rosie had chosen a pink shirt with sheep on it, florescent orange shorts, pink socks with Anna from Frozen on them pulled up as high as she could so they could “be like boots Mommy,” and a strange cross between pink and orange, very bright, gym shoes. John had a blue and orange football shirt with a pair of plaid-ish shorts that included purple and neon green lines. He rounded out his look with red socks and teenage mutant ninja turtle gym shoes. We were a pretty special sight that day.

You have to understand that playing at the park would be so much easier if I actually did have eyes in the back of my head. Or extra arms. Or could bilocate. Or had super speed. Or was capable of mind control. Any of these would be amazing. Give me two or three and I would be unstoppable, or rather, my child would be completely stoppable, which is usually the goal.

You probably by now have some idea of where this story is heading. I was pushing Clare on a swing and talking with John while he climbed on one of the two park structures nearby. Rosie had been climbing with John too. As I talked to John I realized that Rosie wasn’t talking too. I looked and didn’t see her. Enter Panic, stage left.

I try not to overreact when something like this happens, but it’s hard not to. My kids are precious gifts and losing one sends my heart racing faster than anything. I started to call for Rosie, limited in my range of of movement because Clare was in the swing and I hoped she would pop out from behind a slide or something. No response. I kept scanning for her bright shorts to appear. Panic sets in deeper and I hail Clare out. I keep calling her, trying not to sound as paniced as I felt. After only a few minutes I found her climbing stairs to a slide on the other park structure. The flash of pink and florescent orange was unmistakable. She came down the slide and proudly told me how she did it all by herself. All by herself indeed!

As my racing heart calmed, it got me thinking about other things in my life that have such power over me. Stop and think about it. What makes your heart beat faster when it’s out of sight? What commands all of your attention when you can’t find it? What would you never leave the house without and would even turn around to go get if you did forget it?

Here’s my list:

Kids – probably obvious but you never know, not to rat my parents out but I was forgotten at church a time or two (yes, they always came back for me and I anticipate the same occuring to at least of my children at some point in life – sorry in advance!)

Pacifiers – absolute necessity, the level of difficulty for our outing increases tenfold without one.

Phone – I hate admitting this, but I know where my phone is at every moment of every day. Literally, it’s a problem. Even right now, it’s next to me on the couch. I know where it is before I go to bed. I’ve even noticed that when I go to wear a skirt or pants without pockets, my awareness of my phone’s whereabouts is greatly heightened.

Wallet – this one I don’t think about as much because it always resides in my purse but if I ever need to take it out while at home, I am a bit twitchy until it’s back in it’s rightful place. Not only does it have my license, which is important, it also has my military ID. I simply cannot lose those two cards.

There was something disturbing about my mental exercise. My Bible didn’t make the list. I know where it is, I used it a few days ago to work on a bible study. But I hadn’t read it since. I’m fact, in the past weeks, I’d only read it for a weekly bible study. The things on my list are so precious to me and my happiness I keep them very close and use/engage with them multiple times a day. Shouldn’t the Word of God meet those criteria? It was a convicting thought. It was one of those revelations that ends with “well now I have to do something about this because I can’t claim ignorance anymore.” It’s going to require I change some habits, I am still a work in progress. But I am, I hope, progressing.

What makes your list? What is missing?

So much whining, where’s the wine?

Published on July 1, 2015July 1, 2015 by KateLeave a comment

John will be 4 years old in a few days. Where did the time go? Cliche, but seriously, where did it go? If someone can find it for me, I’d really like to have it back. Though, if it’s possible, I’d like to be selective about what parts I would like back. For example, I would absolutely love to have back John’s first time he found his toes. He could suck on his toes like they were thumbs, it was hysterical. I would also love to experience again John’s delight when he finally let go of the wall and started to walk across the room. His amazement at his accomplishment was beautiful and so much fun (and a huge new challenge for us) to have a real walker.

With all those good memories are of course some that aren’t so great. Presently, I would be happy to let go of the whining. Oh my goodness, the whining!! It feels like every time I have to tell John “no” or “stop” or “John, you may not play baseball in the house, or give Clare a hug so strong she falls over, or push Rosie out of the way (after politely opening the refrigerator for her) so that you can get your milk first and proceed to spill it all over the refrigerator, the floor, and your sister” he has a complete melt down. Or, my personal favorite, flat out tells me no. Me – his mother! Oh no, that’s not how this house works. It’s all I can do some days to make it to bedtime when I can sit down with a glass of wine.

How I feel at the end the day sometimes, especially when Ben is gone

I’m not sure how I’m going to effectively, compassionately and patiently deal with John. But his whiney attitude has gotten me thinking. Do I whine? Or, to be a bit more sophisticated do I complain (but let’s all be honest, complaining is just whining with somewhat more articulate words)? As I thought about it more, I was shocked to realize that one of the first things that came to mind was a phrase that you may be familiar with: “I don’t mean to complain but…” What I’m really saying is “I’m about to complain about something, but I’m going to throw this little disclaimer in front of it to make it all aright and now you have to listen to me.” And, I hate to admit it, I say this more often than I would like.

God never said “Thou shall not complain.” Jesus never told his disciples “Guys, stop complaining about how many people are following us. I’ll deal with dinner.” God lets us complain.

What is complaining? Why do we do it? We complain when something/someone irritates us or when we are lacking something. When we feel something is out of order, most of us at least, will probably complain about it, even just to ourselves. We complain when we are worried, when we feel things are not going the way we want it, or when something is beyond our control.

To be fair, there are very legitimate times in life when a situation may be unfair, when something happens that we do not like or are hurt by, or when we are feeling under-appreciated.

Take this story from the Gospel of Mark (Mk 4:35-41) from a few Sundays ago. Jesus tells his disciples they should cross to the other side of the lake. That night, there was a storm. Jesus, apparently, is a heavy sleeper and doesn’t notice. The disciples are worried and scared so they go to wake Jesus with this fabulous line: “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing.” Do you not care is about as close to complaining as you can get in my book. Our pastor had an interesting take on this scripture. He asked us to think about the level of trust the disciples demonstrated in this situation versus how much they should have had in Jesus. Didn’t they trust he would take care of them? Why were they so concerned? They were, after all, pretty much all fishermen. And yet they were worried enough to wake Jesus and complain that he did not care about them.

Jesus’ response is excellent: “Why are you terrified? Do you not yet have faith?” Do you not yet have faith? Our pastor had another interesting insight to offer, one I hadn’t thought about before. Remember how I said maybe Jesus was a heavy sleeper? What if Jesus was only pretending to be asleep, waiting to see how long before the disciples faith weakened – a test, if you will. This was my big take-away.

When I complain about something, I am usually still trying to control and fully understand the situation. I am acting like the disciples – questioning whether or not God cares.

God does care. Time and again, scripture and experience have confirmed for me that God doesn’t simply care, He is wholly committed to my happiness. So, instead of whining about when things aren’t going my way, I need to let go of the problem. The harder I hold onto it, the longer I keep it to myself, the louder the whining. So, when I find myself whining, it means it’s time to take a minute, breathe deeply, sometimes have a glass of wine, and loosen my grip.

If you feel like your boat is rocking in waves beyond your control, maybe it’s time to wake up Jesus, maybe it’s time for that glass of wine.

Messy Faces

Published on June 12, 2015June 12, 2015 by KateLeave a comment

I love babies and how completely ignorant they are of their facial cleanliness. Clare really loves to eat and is especially talented at getting food all over her face. Some days, like yesterday, I wonder what got more food, her stomach or her eyebrows. She is blissfully unaware of what she looks like, happy to keep eating, laughing and making a certified disaster area of her high chair.

As much as I sometimes wish she would just sit still and eat like a normal person, I have to stop and think about what that statement really means. “Eat like a normal person.” What I actually mean is “Eat more like me.” Meaning: sitting in one place, using a fork correctly, taking small bites, actually chewing the food, not needing assistance, and definitely not ending up with pureed sweet potatoes down my shirt and across my forehead like war paint. But this is unfair to Clare. I am asking her to be something she is not. She is a baby. She is not an adult. It is unfair for me to expect more than she can give.

Clare, and all babies, are perfect examples of what it means to live life to the best of their ability. They do not know how to be inauthentic, to be sarcastic, to be judgmental, or to hold anything back. They live fully in the present moment. They do not dwell on the past and they do not worry about the future. They are not worried about appearances and are capable of unconditional love.

Yes, of course, babies are not capable of critical thinking, of complex decision making and a host of other things that are necessary for a functioning adult. However, there is something be said for the attitude of a baby.

I think that God is asking us to be a bit more like babies. A bit less worried about appearances, a little less concerned about the past and less occupied with the future. It is so easy to get caught up in comparing ourselves to one another we lose sight of who we are. Instead, we are focused on what we aren’t. It’s ok to get a little messy sometimes. So if you happen to see me and my hair isn’t perfect, the dishes are totally done or my kiddos have on mismatched socks, it’s because we are trying to spend more time laughing and playing and a little less time concerned about the tings that can wait. We only have today, today, it won’t be here tomorrow. I hope you find some time today to get a little joyfully messy too.