Touching the Water

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Last night I was giving Clare (the baby) a bath. She loves bath time, especially kicking and splashing water everywhere. She is fascinated with the water. It’s interesting to observe how she is learning about water and how it is different than anything else she encounters. She will go from kicking and thrashing around to very still while she tries in vain to pick up the water. She stares intently at the surface of the water and slowly lowers her hand. She tries to keep it above the water and pick it up with her fingers. Fail. She tries to put her hand under the water and then pinch it between her fingers. Foiled again. Last nightExploring water she kept looking up at me as if to say, “Come on Mom, help me out. What am I doing wrong?” She will, of course, eventually learn about how water works and that we can’t just pick it up like a ball, a crayon, or the rather noisy bunch of Legos she is currently banging together as I type this.

It’s funny how one thought, one image, can send your mind hurtling down a path of which you feel like you have no control and then pull you back to the present in a matter of seconds. That sensation is what happened to me while I was watching Clare try to understand how the surface of the water worked. While she explored this basic principle of life, my mind went whizzing through the story of Peter in the boat when Jesus walks on water. (Refresher: see Matthew 14:22-33).

He had just fed the crowd of 5 thousand with the 5 loaves and 2 fish. Jesus tells his disciples, “Go on ahead, I’ll finish saying good bye to the crowd and send them home. I’ll catch up” (Or something like that, I’m imagining and fleshing out some dialogue here and following:) Maybe the disciples were grateful, after all they must have had a long day passing out food and managing the crowd. Maybe some of them tried to stay with Jesus, insisting that he must be exhausted too and need not over exert himself. However it happened, the disciples were on the boat without Jesus. Matthew tells us that it was the 4th watch of the night, so very late at night or very early in the morning, depending on your view. The sun had probably not broken over the horizon, but dawn was not too far off. Enough light to see a shape coming toward the boat, even in the wind and waves.

Can you imagine the thoughts that went through the disciples’ minds? Scripture gives us one – a ghost. And what else could it be really? We all know that nothing can stand on liquid water. We know this fact so deeply it is not something we even ponder or debate. It seems our desire for survival forbids us from even testing the possibility. And yet, Jesus walked on water.

Walking on WaterEven more shocking is what happens next. Peter, in all his brashness, in his forthright, confident, and somewhat naive manner, commands Jesus! Can you picture yourself as one of the other disciples, listening to Peter? Have you ever seen people take a step away from someone who has just said something outrageous, silly or wrong as if to say “I’m not actually with that person who just messed up over there, don’t look at me please.” I kind of imagine that’s what the other disciples did. “What did he say? You didn’t actually mean that Peter. Jesus, he really didn’t mean it. Please Jesus, ghost, or whatever you are, don’t make us walk on the water too!”

Jesus, in the rendition I currently have playing in my head, smiles and shakes his head at Peter. He acquiesces to Peter’s request and commands him to come out on the water. Incredibly, Peter does. Remember, he has just witnessed Jesus feeding that huge crowd with a small amount of food. It truly was a miracle of enormous proportions and must have been fresh in Peter’s head. His belief in Jesus and who he was had been steadily growing. Matthew’s Gospel details numerous healings and teachings. In another instance in a boat, Jesus calms a storm. The disciple’s reaction is to question among themselves who Jesus really was.

Peter must have made a decision. In this moment, he has made a choice. No longer uncertain of who Jesus is, Peter boldly steps out of the boat. He is leaving behind the known, the understood and the safe. He is choosing to walk toward Jesus, even though the way was unsettling, uneven, and most definitely not solid. But Peter has made a choice. He must have believed that Jesus was more than just a man. He was convinced of it, or he would not have left the boat.

Once Peter was actually out of the boat, in his shock and amazement, he looked down. He doubted and that is when he began to sink. But Jesus, of course, reaches out his hand and pulls Peter up. Once back in the boat, this time the disciples do not question and wonder about who Jesus is. In Matthew’s Gospel, this is the first time that the disciples articulate that Jesus is the Son of God. Peter’s faith was the turning point.

Faith is a turning point in our lives. What do we believe in? Just how much do we believe it? Are we willing to get out of our boats – our places of safety, comfort, the known – and explore the places faith is calling us to walk. They may be places of discomfort, of the unknown, of being uncertain or perhaps even a bit afraid. Faith pushes us, it stretches us, is demands much of us. But in return, faith in God rewards us, brings us joy and peace and never, not even once, leaves us.

Mamma duck and her ducklings

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When we walk through parking lots, we tend to get a couple stares from passersby. Typically, I am holding the baby in one arm and holding the hand of one child with the other. This leaves one free toddler, so we all link up. Usually I hold Rosie’s hand and she holds John’s. It’s a rather comical train, trying to find the right pace for everyone’s different size legs. Then John will try to run and poor Rosie will be stretched between. Or Rosie will run and John will get swung out on the end. It’s a sight, I’m sure.

Mamma duckAt some point, I started telling the kids that I was the Mamma duck and they were the ducklings. The ducklings all have to follow their Mamma duck just like they do in a pond near our house. They love it. Rosie enjoys rattling off “You are the Mamma duck, I am the girl duck, John is the boy duck, Daddy is the Daddy duck and Clare is the baby duck!”

We had a new iteration of Mamma duck and her ducklings the other day. I mentioned in another post that I am not a super disciplined person. Working out/exercise has never been high on my priority list and the few occasions it has risen the ranks, I haven’t been disciplined enough to actually stick with it.

My husband recently found a new exercise app. He is starting to train for a 100 mile bike ride in the fall and I think was looking for a new way to structure and regiment his work outs. He was saying this app was good because you told it your goals (weight loss, general fitness, build muscle, etc.) and it tailored work outs to that goal. Every day you say how you are feeling (sore, fine, great) and it will increase or decrease the difficulty level. I had to admit, it sounded good.

So, I downloaded it too. I don’t know why, I get so embarrassed, anxious, and silly about exercising. The first day, it’s funny to say now that I waited until he went to work to even open the app. The app had me do some stretching and then it wanted me to walk for 15 minutes. Well, I knew if I took all the kids for a 15 minute walk we would barely make it around the block, probably not the heart rate target the app had in mind. I decided to just walk around the house. I could keep up a decent pace and even had the added “bonus” of carrying Clare for 10 of the 15 minutes (someone should really create a work out plan/app for moms with children under 18 months to do at home, but take into account the fact that they will be carrying said child. It would be awesome, someone please do it. I might even try it out. But I;m starting to digress).

There I was, attempting to walk at a decent pace through my house and both John and Rosie start to follow me. Mamma duck was back with her ducklings trotting (swimming?) along behind her.

These kids want so much to be like me and my husband. It’s what kids do, it’s how they learn – imitation. They observe my reaction to a situation and try to emulate it in their own lives, for better or worse. Even if you don’t have any children, people are watching you, observing your behavior, wondering about your thoughts and reasons for acting as you do. I don’t mean that people are judging you, but we are naturally a curious species. We are inquisitive, we wonder, we ask questions, we try to understand. We all have people we look up to, those we wish to be more like. God made us this way and it is a beautiful thing because it allows us to learn from each other.

This all gets me thinking about who my role models are. Who has been a role model and ceases to be – why? Who are my present role models – why? Who else could be a role model – why?

I’ll share a couple with you:

I am inspired fashion-wise by Joanna Gaines from DIY Network’s Fixer Upper show. I like her simple style of dressing, nothing flashy, simple color palette and strategic use of jewelry.

I am inspired as a parent by a good friend who always to remain rational with her children, even when they are acting and talking in highly irrational ways. She usually maintains a calm, steady voice, and tries to see things from their perspective. She is respectful of their irrationality until they are able to calm themselves to a more rational state of being.

I am inspired as a mother by Chiara Lubich, the founder of a movement in the Catholic Church called the Focolare. Chiara writes about a universal motherhood, based on imitating Mary, the mother of Jesus. Chiara challenges: “In practice we have to …behave toward every neighbor I meet, or for whom I shall be working, as if I were their mother…A mother is always welcoming, always helpful, always hopeful, and covers up everything. She forgives everything in her children.”

I am inspired as a wife by a woman in a small group I am in. She and her husband retired to our area after 30 years in the Air Force. Military life for them involved deployments and separations as you might guess. I have always thought about how wonderful life after the Air Force will be some day, to be able to leave all the separations behind. For this couple, life and job had other plans. Presently, her husband is working 7 hours away from her and a job he loves and they both agree is the best situation for him. They see each other on the weekends. They will continue like this for at least another year. Her poise, confidence, loyalty and faith are contagious.

Who inspires you most today? Who do you hope is inspired by you?

Timing, Apparently It’s Important

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In case my post about cleaning the bathroom wasn’t clue enough (check it out here), timing is kind of import to me. This is actually something I’m just starting to realize, specifically since I’ve started writing this blog. Perhaps it is because I’m taking more time to reflect on my day, my comings and goings, interactions or lack there of, etc., and trying to see where and how God fits into it all. I think that it has been an excellent exercise.

I was recently making some sugar cookies from a recipe that a friend gave me. She made these amazing, and I truly do mean amazing, bunny rabbit sugar cookies for Easter. They were decorated and thick, just like you would buy in a specialty bakery. She even individually wrapped them. So cute, I wish I had a picture to show you.

Anyway, she graciously let me have her recipe as well as the icing recipe. She included some of her tips and tricks for making these cookies. One of them has completely revolutionized how I make sugar cookies.

I should preface this with some information about sugar cookies for those of you who don’t make them or haven’t made them before. They can be hugely labor intensive. After mixing the dough, you have to let it chill for at least an hour, usually more depending on how big a batch you’ve gotten yourself into. Most cookies you can mix, plop on a cookie sheet and a few minutes later be dunking some hot but deliciously gooey cookies into your cup of milk. Not sugar cookies. Once the dough has chilled, you have to roll it out in sections with lots of flour sprinkled everywhere to keep your rolling pin from sticking. Then you cut out your cookie shapes with your cookie cutter, ball up the left overs, and roll it out again. Repeat until all your dough is gone.

Now you can cook them. Unfortunately for me, when I say “cook” them I actually mean burn 80% of them. But, I think I’ve figured out the trick to my oven which I will explain in a minute.

Pre-rolled sugar cookie dough ready to be chilled
Pre-rolled sugar cookie dough ready to be chilled

Ok, so that’s the sugar cookie tutorial. Now, how did my friend revolutionize my sugar cookie experience? It’s all about the timing. She suggests that instead of chilling the dough in a big ball, I should go immediately from mixing to rolling, but between two pieces of wax paper. No major flour mess that envelops the whole kitchen. Now, you can chill the dough pre-rolled out. Once it is chilled, pull it out one sheet at a time, cut and re-roll between the wax paper. Amazing!

Doesn’t sound super amazing to you? Sounds like all I did was change the timing of one step, not a huge deal. But it is, it so is, at least for me. Not having to roll out the dough after chilling has always felt like so much work and effort. I can pinpoint this step as the one that keeps me from making sugar cookies most of the time. However, rolling out the dough immediately after mixing is much less intimidating, and the following steps feel like I’m going downhill instead of up. It’s all about the timing.

I am starting to understand that the timing of when I accomplish things matters almost as much as how I accomplish them. I am more productive when it comes to housework in the morning than in the afternoon. I am also much more willing to run errands and be out and about in the morning. Ask me to go shopping with the kids after naps and you may as well be asking me to pick up after the dog. I’ll do it, because I know I have to, but I won’t be overly excited about it either. But, I am more creative in the afternoon and evening. As I write this post it’s 3pm in the afternoon and I’m 600 words in after only 20 minutes. I’ve been starting to pick up my guitar again and I’m finding that I enjoy playing it more in the afternoons and evenings.

Something I’ve noticed in my musings about timing and how I choose to spend my time is that I don’t have a steady time for God. I pray throughout the day, but I struggle with carving out a time for God. Our parish has started a prayer ministry and gives a group of us monthly prayers to pray for our parish. When I first started, I did such a good job, but after a few months I’ve fizzled out and I am struggling to get back into the habit.

In our homily at Mass today, our priest talked about how important it is to “waste time with God.” This phrase struck me. Wasting time, what do I waste time on? Who do I waste time with? Wasting time isn’t always a bad thing. When Ben and I were dating, we wasted so much time together while we got to know each other. We should have been studying for tests or doing homework (we met in college), but instead we were wasting time going for walks, eating ice cream, and growing in our relationship. We all know that there are lots of ways to waste time that are not as promising. Wasting time watching TV when there is work to be done, wasting time on our phone when we could be interacting with our children or other people, wasting time on side projects or hobbies while neglecting our responsibilities that should take priority.

When our priest talked about wasting time with God, he was talking about spending quality time with God, getting to know Him, allowing Him to help us get to know ourselves. Spending time in prayer, adoration, wonder, thanks, sorrow, despair, hope, anticipation, pick an emotion and spend time with it and God.

If timing is something that appears to be part of my subconscious make-up, I need to seriously consider how to better incorporate God into my timing routines.