On this week’s video, I talk about how Jesus is teaching His disciples that forgiveness is more than an action, it is a habit. If you were to do something 77 times, you would be well on your way to forming a habit. Jesus’ use of the the double 7 in 77 is symbolic as well as practical. 7 is a perfect number in the biblical sense (think the 7 days of creation) and the repetitive use here can indicate a certain abundance of the ideal. The commentary given by the USCCB website offers this beautiful phase, “limitless forgiveness.” What a world we could create if we each had a habit of limitless forgiveness.
In raising my children and getting to know each of them as unique individuals, I’ve come to discover that everyone comes into their habits differently. What works for one kid doesn’t always work for another. I have always known our oldest tends to learn one thing at a time well. He was like that even as a baby, I may have even shared this here before so excuse the repetitive story. It felt like it took John forever to walk, he actually didn’t let go of furniture until after his sister was born. He got everywhere he wanted to go by holding hands, cruising along the couches and chairs, or by pushing a laundry basket. But, once he decided he was ready to let go, he could run across the room without falling. The same story goes for talking. Hardly any words and then full sentences in a matter of weeks.
John is 12 now and we are working on building good habits that he can carry into adulthood. There are so many things I would like to teach him, to help him understand that life would be so much easier if just remembered his chores instead of me pestering him about them. There are even a few habits I thought we had down already, only to discover this new pre-teen lackadaisical attitude toward things like brushed teeth and listening skills really need to be recalled ASAP. I’m sure I’m not the only parent with these kinds of feelings.
As I think back on how John has grown, it should not be surprising to me that when I try to force a number of new habits on him at once, it isn’t going to go well. However, encouraging him to focus on one thing at a time, here we make some real progress. As his mom, I then have the opportunity to praise him for those efforts in this one specific area and really build him up in his ability to grow and mature while transitioning to the next good habit he needs in order to thrive as a teen and adult. Small success, small steps in the overall direction forward. It is also encouraging him to learn more about himself and how he best learns and grows which will ultimately help him in his relationships throughout life.
Turning the tables, I have been pondering how I best instill a new habit in myself. I’ve come up with a few criteria that need to be in place before a new habit can be formed. Perhaps my list will inspire you as well.
- Empty space – if I’m trying to squeeze in a new habit, you can bet it’s going to be squeezed right out of my life. I need time and space to dedicate to the new habit.
- Consistency – if it’s not scheduled, it’s probably not going to happen. A habit doesn’t need to be a daily thing, but each person has some kind of limit for how far between occurrences the practice needs to happen (perhaps there’s science on this out there). If I’m not practicing my new habit at least once weekly, it’s probably not going to stick. Even then, I’ll need to be careful because I’ll forget one week and then by the 4th I’ll recall I had a habit I was trying to cultivate and have since left behind.
- Has a home or place – In bible study today (hooray, Walking With Purpose is at our new parish!), a participant shared about how if she doesn’t leave her meditation books out by her coffee cup in the evening she will forget to read them with her coffee in the morning. This is so me. Out of sight, out of mind completely describes how habits can get lost, whether on purpose or not.
What about habits like Jesus is talking about, the inner, intangible habits. Things like forgiveness, patience, empathy, silence, joy. These are a harder, as they happen at random, aren’t usually tied to physical objects, and can take any number of minutes or hours to fully process. Here are some suggestions:
- Pray for the grace to grow in your habit. But be careful, as most older grandmas will tell you, if you pray for patience you will be gifted a whole host of opportunities to practice the virtue.
- Ask the Holy Spirit to inspire the habit in you during specific situations. We can’t always anticipate when we will need empathy or courage. But, there are definitely situations in your life where you have an inkling ahead of time what type of inner habit you will need. Take the time before embarking into that situation to ask the Holy Spirit to pour His eternal gifts out on you that you need for that specific moment.
- Keep a gratitude journal. Cultivating a spirit of gratitude is an excellent way to grow in thankfulness. It also encourages you to review your day, which then draws your attention to the times things went well and when they didn’t. This survey of the day or week can highlight the times you practiced one of these inner habits well, or where you need to grow.
Daily Graces 