moving – Daily Graces

Hidden Joys

Published on November 3, 2023November 5, 2023 by KateLeave a comment

I have been so pleasantly surprised by the fall colors here in Alabama. We lived in Mississippi 13 years ago and I honestly don’t recall what kind of fall foliage we had there. I didn’t know what to expect from Alabama.

While it’s not a Midwest fall color fest of course, we do have quite a few trees changes color. In a way, the trees that do change are extra special because they stand out so much more than when every single tree has changed over. I am trying to savor those colors instead of glossing over them.

I was sharing this observation with my writing group within the Word on Fire Institute. As I wrote to them, I elaborated about how not knowing what nature will do each season has become one of the hidden joys of this military life.

We moved to Kansas in the middle of winter. We had no idea what flowers were going to be in our front or back beds. Would we have a bunch of weeds? Nothing at all? A bunch of perennials? Around both large trees in the front was a very tangled underbrush type of plant. I was thoroughly surprised and delighted by the tulips that came up in early spring.

Moving often is difficult. There have definitely been seasons when I have sunk into the difficulty. But no matter where we are, the natural seasons continue to turn. As one season blends into the next, I find myself drawn out of my inner worries and concerns. I begin to look about in wonder and delight as a season I know well comes alive anew for me because of the new location we have found ourselves in.

Speaking of seasons turning, some seasonal change is happening here on the blog. As you have likely noticed, the weekly Gospel reflections have waned. If you aren’t a YouTube subscriber but you did enjoy the weekly reflection, I would humbly ask you to subscribe to my YouTube channel. I am continuing to post weekly Gospel reflections there. While sustainable and life-giving at first, writing at that frequency as well as recording and producing a weekly video has become too much to handle.

Due to the needed creative break, there will not be an updated Advent journal. Previous years’ journals are all still available and are organized by liturgical year (we will be starting Year B the First Sunday of Advent). You are more than welcome and encouraged to check out the previous journals. The days will not line up but the overall readings and content will.

As I said, I am continuing with the weekly YouTube videos and am hoping to include some additional Advent reflections. If you were hoping for new Advent specific content from me, YouTube is the place for it.

The seasons continue to shift and change. This blog has grown and evolved since I started it and I’m sure it will continue to do so. From the beginning, I have tried to use this space in such a way that is pleasing to the will of the Holy Spirit, to post when inspired to share and to share the good, beautiful, and hard things God is working in my life and the life of my family. Thank you for continuing to journey with me.

Thirteenth Sunday of Ordinary Time

Published on June 30, 2023June 29, 2023 by KateLeave a comment

There’s a lot happening around here at the moment. If you watched this week’s YouTube video, you already know we are safely in Alabama. Thank you to all of you who prayed for our family on our journey. We appreciated it so much, especially when a certain Mississippi state trooper pulled us over because the registration on our cargo trailer may (or may not, you’ll have to take it up with my husband who insists because it was purchased in California there’s some kind of special rule out there) have been expired. When I explained we were military in the middle of moving cross country he let us go without any problems, but boy was my heart pounding for quite a few miles after.

I also can’t talk about this move without sharing a bit about how incredible my dad is. He had to navigate peers also being on vacation at the same time as our planned move and got everything all lined up. Then, about a week before we planned to leave we found out that if we didn’t want all of our household goods to end up in storage we would need to move up our timeline by 4 days. We would have already been in Alabama by the time his flight got into Wichita. We called immediately and told him we were so sorry for all the work he had to do to make the first plan work, how sorry we were to be changing things last minute, etc. He didn’t even flinch. He (and my mom, she’s a flight ticket wiz) got the tickets changed and he workout whatever needed to be done at work so he could drive with us. He drove my car, with 4 of the 6 kids, hauling that semi-registered cargo trailer, from Kansas to Alabama without complaining once. He then stayed for 2 days and helped Ben get the trailer unloaded, reloaded with storage stuff, and stored. And helped get the camper pushed into the garage after helping reorganize the garage (have I mentioned tomorrow it’s going to be 109 Fahrenheit tomorrow). AND still found time to play in the community pool, spend time on the floor building and rebuilding towers for Nathan to crash, hear all about the kids’ Zelda and Super Mario games, and I could go on.

I’m exhausted just writing about all the things my dad, Papa to the kids, got done while he was with us. We would be no where, absolutely no where, near where we are right now if he hadn’t come. I will always talk about this crazy move with our kids, because I want to share this story with them. I want them to remember the fun memories of being thrown across the pool and playing Minecraft Uno with all the rules (my dad likes to read all the rules before starting a game). But more importantly, I want them to remember what an incredibly selfless choice this was.

My dad did not have to come. We made it very clear that we did not expect him to rush to change all kinds of things to make this work. He did anyway. He could have griped about only going 60 miles an hour the whole first day (Ben tries to manage the number of times we have to stop for gas) (we got to go 65 on day two, hooray!). He didn’t. He could have said, “No, I think I’ll take the room to myself if that’s ok, it’s been a long day in the car with the kids and tomorrow will be just as long,” when we stopped overnight. He had 3 kids in his room with him, including the 4 year old who kicks in his sleep but adores his Papa. Every time I turned around, there he was, doing something sweet or kind or helpful. He was amazing.

While I know this story isn’t exactly what our Gospel is about, in a way it is. What I saw in my dad was someone who was putting Jesus first. He continually showed our whole family what it means to show up and be present in this moment. What crosses we asked him to carry, he carried. He so perfectly modeled that song from Mass, “Here I am, Lord, here I am. I come to do Your Will.” This is what I hope our family remembers from this past week.

For something a little more on topic for the Gospel reading, be sure to check out the YouTube video below.

When You Don’t Know What to Pray For

Published on November 30, 2022 by KateLeave a comment

I am stuck. I don’t know what to pray for in this particular situation and it is uncomfortable, to put it mildly. Have you ever been unsure of what to pray for? It’s more than apathy, or not caring about what comes from the situation. I genuinely don’t know what I want from this moment in time.

Let me back up. As you know, Ben is in the military which means we move a fair amount. Actually, we have moved less often than many of our peers. This has been a blessing but it’s catching up with us for Ben’s career. We are looking at another move this coming summer, putting us at a brief 2.5 years in Kansas compared to the 4+ in both California and Texas. The upcoming move is poised to be an even quicker turn around. Ben is eligible for a leadership school which is a fantastic opportunity. However, it means we move…somewhere…for a year. Then move again.

From where we stand today, it looks like we have 2 possible options.

Do the move. Pack everyone up, move to a new place for a single year, knowing we will be moving again. The moves would be during the summers, so at least the kids would have some consistency in school. I do not know at this point if we would go back to homeschooling for that year or keep them in traditional school. That’s a whole other issue. But we would all be together.
Don’t move. Ben goes, we stay. The kids can continue at our local parish school which has brought so, so many blessings to our family. They have some continuity with friends, location, activities, etc. We have found so much good here, I am extremely sad to think that this is going to be such a short duty station for them compared to previous. But wow, Ben goes. That means Ben is an airplane ride away (based on the current information we have). He would be able to come home only as we have funds for him to fly, the military will not pay for any of those visits.

So….right. How to pray in this situation. I truly don’t know what I want. I don’t want to move knowing how brief it will be. I do not want Ben to miss the majority of a year of time with us, especially when it’s of our own choosing.

We don’t have to make any decisions yet, and we still need to be informed of where he would be attending school. That particular detail – the location – is going to be a big factor of this decision process. We don’t get to choose that part, however, the Air Force will tell us where we are going. What do I pray for? The locations we would want to move everyone to? The locations we would not?

I’m sure others have been in similar situations. You want to get the job but it means leaving good friends and coworkers. You desperately need a snow day but don’t want to shovel (just me?). Someone has to die for your family member to receive a life-saving transplant. Whether serious or otherwise, there are genuinely times when we just don’t know what we ultimately want to happen.

I have had to step back and recognize that, in the end, it’s not supposed to be about what I want. I want a lot of things, cheesecake and yarn included, but that doesn’t mean I always get them or actually need them. In this particular situation, what I want doesn’t actually matter because I have no influence over the situation. I can’t call up the Air Force and let them know how I desire things to play out. It’s in God’s hands, not mine.

Which means I need to change my prayers. I could say, “I don’t know what I want so there’s no point in praying about it until the Air Force gives us more information, then I’ll think about it.” But this is a lie perfectly planted by the devil himself. St. Paul tells us to pray without ceasing. We shouldn’t put God on hold until x, y, or z falls into place. Or worse, come to the conclusion that God is only worth praying to if x, y, or z happens.

I may not know what I want, but God knows what I need. Instead of praying for what I want to happen, I have been trying to root all my prayers in Jesus’ prayer:

Not my will, but Yours be done
Luke 22:42

This situation isn’t about me, though it affects me. This is bigger. It is about where God desires our family for the next year. The people we will interact with, the blessings we can offer others, the blessings others are called to share with us. By pulling myself back and checking my emotions, I am slowly becoming more peaceful about the phone call that will, fingers crossed, hopefully be coming to Ben soon. Whatever God is calling our family to next will be hard, but I trust it is going to be God’s will for our family. He will continue to provide for us as He always has.

I have only come to this place of peace because of Adoration. We are blessed with a 24-hour Adoration chapel at our parish. Whenever we are at the chapel, aside from Sundays for whatever the reason, Gabe, our 3 year old, asks if we can stop in. We only spend a few minutes, but those minutes add up. No matter the time spent, the presence of Jesus in the Eucharist is powerful. I am so thankful for these minutes and that it is Gabe who has drawn me into that quiet space. It was there I felt those simple, hard words resonate within me.

Perhaps what God is calling you to next will be hard. Maybe you don’t know what you want next from a present situation. That just means that He is already preparing the grace you need to shower upon you as you set forth into that new place. Join your voice with Jesus’. Allow your desires and wants to diminish as you gaze upon God’s loving face. As it is Advent, this is a fantastic season to spend time in Adoration. Run to God, open your hands and let Him see you know know what you want next. Let Him remove that burden of choice from you and allow His Will to become your true desire.

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