Category: Family

Cave Darkness

Published on by Kate1 Comment

This past spring our family was on vacation in Colorado. We had never been in a cave before with our kids and decided this would be a fun excursion during our stay. We went to Cave of the Winds near Colorado Springs. It was fascinating to hear the history of the cave and learn how people would have explored before modern excavation equipment and safety measures. Crawling on your belly for most of the way, people went nearly 3 hours into the cave only by candlelight. If that’s not enough, there wasn’t a convenient loop or exit at the other end. After your grueling 3 hours, you had to turn around and go back the way you came.

One of the highlights of any cave tour is the moment when the tour guide extinguishes the lights, thrusting you into what is called “cave darkness.” The last time I was in a cave of this size I was a kid, and as I said, this was our kids’ first experience. We did not prep them at all for cave darkness. One minute we were all in a fairly well lit cavern, the next the lights dimmed and our tour guide was holding a candle with a metal shield behind it to focus the light forward. As I realized what was going to happen next, I had no time to tell any of our kids it was about to get dark. It just did. 

Cave darkness is a special kind of darkness. If every single light goes out, you cannot even see your own hand in front of your face. If you think you can, it’s your brain trying to compensate for the utter lack of light. There is dark, then there is cave dark.

“We are cut off from the guidance of the stars, from the sun and the moon. Even the horizon vanishes—if not for gravity, we’d scarcely know up from down. All of the subtle cues that might orient us on the surface—cloud formations, plant-growth patterns, animal tracks, wind direction—disappear. Underground, we lose even the guide of our own shadow”

Hunt, Will. “Getting Lost Makes the Brain Go Haywire.” The Atlantic.

While I’m sure the tour guide’s planned relighting of the candle would have been a dramatic moment, bringing us back to the light and such, it was completely ruined by our 3-year old, Gabriel. By not accounting for the whole cave darkness experience, we didn’t think twice about the light up shoes he was wearing. And so, even in that darkest dark, we had Gabriel’s little green light up gym shoes to show us what was up and down.

Our other kids panicked in the dark. They stood shock still in the moment, but it was all they could talk about for days and days. I’m so thankful for Gabe’s shoes. They gave us the opportunity to remind everyone, again and again, that Jesus is the light of the world, just like Gabe’s shoes were a light in the darkness. Jesus was unexpected and what everyone was looking for, all at once. 

Jesus tells us in Luke’s Gospel that “There is nothing hidden that will not become visible, and nothing secret that will not be known and come to light” (Luke 8:17). There is no where on earth His light fails to reach. The blackest soul, the darkest night, the deepest depth, the highest mountain peak. No one and nothing is hidden from His glorious light. How wonderfully comforting, that there is nothing that can separate us from the love of God, from the light of the Son. The next time you see a little kids’ light up shoes, I hope it makes you remember that even those little shoes light can make all the difference in the world. 

Daily Graces. kktaliaferro.wordpress.com

The Will of God

Published on by Kate2 Comments

I have a tattoo. I don’t think I’ve shared that here. It’s on my wrist, as you can see, and it references Deuteronomy 30:14. Last summer, Deuteronomy 30:10-14 was the First Reading one Sunday. On that day, I felt these words of Scripture pierce my heart in a way I never had before. This is the passage in full:

Moses said to the people:
“If only you would heed the voice of the LORD, your God,
and keep his commandments and statutes
that are written in this book of the law,
when you return to the LORD, your God,
with all your heart and all your soul.

“For this command that I enjoin on you today
is not too mysterious and remote for you.
It is not up in the sky, that you should say,
‘Who will go up in the sky to get it for us
and tell us of it, that we may carry it out?’
Nor is it across the sea, that you should say,
‘Who will cross the sea to get it for us
and tell us of it, that we may carry it out?’
No, it is something very near to you,
already in your mouths and in your hearts;
you have only to carry it out.”

Deuteronomy 30:10-14

The last part, about carrying out the commands of God, was what struck me. God’s Will isn’t so far away I have to strive to find it. It is not too mysterious, not some lofty thing I cannot attain. It is already written in my heart. Do I have the courage to carry it out?

So many times in my life I have allowed myself to become trapped by the grandness of God’s plan and how it is too big for me to see my part in. While this is true, God’s ways are not my ways nor are His thoughts my thoughts, and yes, His grand design for the whole world is beyond my comprehension, that does not mean I don’t know anything at all. I don’t know where God will take me in 10 years, in 5, in tomorrow. What I can know is God’s Will in this present moment. How? Jesus told us in last Sunday’s Gospel reading and in so many other places in the Gospels:

Love

Love your enemies. Love your neighbors. Love yourself. Love God. Act out of love for God. Pray because you love God.

What do you need to do, now, in the present moment? Love. And in the next moment? Love. And in all the moments that follow? Love.

This is HARD! Especially when love looks like cleaning up after a sick child in the middle of the night, or forgiving a colleague for a hurtful comment. Love is sacrifice, love takes courage, love is selfless.

I can give a recent example.

Ben had left for a 3-4 week trip and we were only on day 3. The day Ben left, Nathan (the 1 year old) threw up twice, once in the middle of the night in his bed. He was fine for a day and then was sick again the following. The rest of the kids missed their dad, were tired from a week of school and other activities, and generally needy. Gabriel, the 3 year old, was especially insistent for every moment of my attention he could get. And I just couldn’t take it. I was snappy all morning, harsh when I didn’t need to be, impatient and generally awful. I knew it and I chose to lean into selfishness instead of following Deuteronomy’s advice.

Our big 4 kids had piano practice so they were out of the house for 2 hours. I let Gabe and Nathan watch some Bluey (of course, Bluey!), and I sat down with my coffee. The reality of the morning and my behavior hit me. I was so discouraged. I almost went and got my book to distract myself and get a break from it all.

Then I felt it. The little nudge, the random thought that you don’t know where it came from. “Don’t run away, sit here. Sit here and then do something to make it right.” So I did. It was probably the first moment I truly tried to do God’s Will all day. I sat, and then came the next nudge, “Write to them.” I got out 5 cards and I wrote apology notes to each one of my kids (Nathan excluded, I just gave him extra hugs). I apologized, I asked for forgiveness. I also let them know, according to their ages, how one specific behavior was not helping our family thrive. I asked them to think on it and see if it could be a place to work on. I told them I loved them.

I left the notes on their pillows and went peacefully to read. For about 30 seconds because it was time to turn off Bluey but that’s ok. I had followed God’s Will for those moments, my cup was being filled with grace and His Love.

I’d love to say we had a beautiful day after the kids read their notes. I’d love to say they had marked improvement in behavior, that I was was gracious and gentle from that moment forward. They did not, and I was not. But it was still better. I reigned myself in faster, I spoke more calmly. It was easier to make the right choice faster, even if I initially made the wrong one. I had become more attentive to God’s Will in the present moment because I had practiced it earlier.

I have grown so much in my trust in the Holy Spirit since hearing this reading. It has changed my relationship with God and encouraged me to form a deeper bond with the Holy Spirit. I chose to get the tattoo because I want to keep these words ever present with me, “God’s Will is already in my heart, I have only to carry it out.” This is not a lesson I will ever be done learning.

God has grand designs for each of us. Perhaps we have already seen Him working in our lives, perhaps we are wondering when it will all begin. No matter what God’s larger plans are, His perfect Will for each of our individual moments is the same: Love.

P.S. As a woman and mom, I know I have gotten trapped in the lie that everyone else needs to be served before I can take care of myself. Self-care is a big topic is popular society and it is important. We do need to take care of ourselves, but in a way that does not lead to selfishness or entitlement. It takes practice, it is a work of discernment. If you struggle with the line between no-care, self-care and selfish-care, take it to prayer. Ask the Holy Spirit to pay special attention to this area and to inspire you to rest how and when you need to rest, and to recognize when your focus on rest is inhibiting your ability to do God’s Will.

Daily Graces. kktaliaferro.wordpress.com

Bluey…Again

Published on by KateLeave a comment

I know, I know. Repeat topic and a kids’ show no less. But seriously, Bluey has got it going on! The particular episode in question is entitle, “Duck Cake” should any of you want to go watch it for yourselves (you should, 8 minutes well spent).

Episode synopsis: It’s Bingo’s (the little sister) birthday and she gets to pick out her cake. She chose, obviously, a duck shaped cake. In a brilliant move by the creators, its Dad who gets the privilege of trying to construct a duck out of cake while Mom takes Bingo to hockey practice. Blue stays home and is asked to clean up the huge Lego bonanza she and Bingo have created in the entryway to the house. But only her half, let’s keep that clear.

Bluey, as most any child, doesn’t exactly throw herself into her task. She wants to help make the cake. Dad tells her she can’t just help with the fun stuff, she has to also do what she was told. Bluey, unsurprisingly, begins bartering with him. First stickers, then money, then being able to lick the beater. She does, eventually get her side of the mess all cleaned up. While she is just starting to lick the beater, Dad is attempting to position the head on the duck cake. It falls to the side and splats on the floor. He sinks to the floor in defeat, taking a few minutes to sit in sorrow. Bluey looks from her beater to the mess, and quietly hops off her stool to clean up the mess. After, she offers a suggestion to Dad about how to fix it, which he accepts but says he has to clean the floor first. He is shocked to find it already clean. He makes intentional, genuine eye contact with Bluey and says, “Thank you.”

Bluey’s tail starts to wag. This tail wag is central to the whole story. Bingo knew the Duck Cake was her cake because when she saw it, it made her tail wag. On her way out the door with Mom, she asks how other animals know if they are happy without tails, because when her tail wags it tells her she is happy.

None of Bluey’s other “prizes” for cleaning up made her tail wag. She decides to try to make it happen again. She quickly goes and cleans up Bingo’s side of the mess. When Bingo and Mom get home and see the room clean, Mom has a similar thank you moment with Bluey. Her tail wags again.

8 minute episode people, it’s amazingly genius! I already loved it. Then, I read this by Chiara Lubich:

In our daily duties there are always burdensome elements which entail some measure of fatigue and discomfort. But these are the very things that we should appreciate as precious gifts that we can offer to God.

Everything that tastes of suffering is, in fact, of utmost importance. The world does not accept suffering, because it is no longer familiar with the value Christian life gives it, and because suffering goes against our human nature. Thus, the world tries to avoid and to ignore it.

Yet, suffering has a mysterious task” It can become a way to happiness, to that true and enduring happiness which alone can fill our hearts. It is the same happiness that God enjoys and that we humans, destined to what is absolute, can share already in this life.

Precisely through his suffering, Jesus has given joy to every person:joy here on earth and unending joy in the next life. In the same way, by accepting and offering to him our daily worries and concerns, we obtain happiness for ourselves and for others.

Chiara Lubich, “A Mysterious Task.” Heaven on Earth. New City Press, 2000. pg. 78

We don’t find happiness in prizes or bribes. We find true happiness when we serve others, when we suffer even a little for someone else. The greatest achievements come from a path of suffering, self-denial, sacrifice. Running a marathon, owning a company, giving birth to a child. The list goes on and on. As Chiara said, the greatest and most perfect joy to enter the world, to change the world, came through the Cross of Christ.

Every day, we have the opportunity to participate in this mysterious task. To suffer and sacrifice on behalf of others which will bring both us and them happiness. Letting someone else go before you in line, listening well to a child’s story of their imaginary friend without also scrolling on your phone, tidying up another person’s mess, anticipating a need before being asked. That list, too, goes on and on.

We don’t have tails which tell us when we are happy or not. But we do have a heart. Our heart warms when we make good choices but especially when we make a good, hard, choice. We have a conscience which, when well-formed, can help to steer us along a path which leads to that true and lasting happiness. It means discipline and often self-denial. It is hard. This is why Jesus talks about how the vine grower (God the Father), “takes away every branch that does not bear fruit, and every one that does he prunes so that it bears more” (John 15:2). God desires the very best for us, and sometimes that means pruning away what is holding us back from bearing more fruit.

Advent isn’t over yet. There is still time (there is always time, even when it isn’t Advent) to consider how the birth of the Savior has changed the world, has changed you. How is God calling you to serve those around you so He can love them through your actions of love and sacrifice?

I am thoroughly enjoying how this sweet show is encouraging such good conversations in our family. I hope you’re finding it inspirational as well. I promise, this isn’t going to turn into a Bluey fan blog, but I can’t promise this will be the last post about it either. 😉