Daily Graces

Proper Language

Published on June 28, 2016June 28, 2016 by Kate2 Comments

In the past few months I’ve been trying to make an effort to be more present on Twitter and Instagram. It’s been fun, challenging and sometimes tiring, but I think it’s been worth the effort. I’ve found some pretty incredible articles and resources that I would have missed or not known about had I not been using these social media tools.

As with all things, I have also stumbled across some things I wish I hadn’t, or read statements I do not agree with. Once such instance happened this past weekend that got me so riled up, I’m still thinking about it and maybe, if this post goes well, try to formulate my thoughts into an article that I could submit to a publication (hopes and dreams anyway).

I was scrolling through Twitter when I came across this tweet from a pro-life activist:

Lots of would be mothers regret their abortions.I dont know a single mom who regrets having a child

Proper Language, especially in pro-life ministry. Daily Graces. kktaliaferro.wordpress.com — Photo by tipstimes.com/pregnancy. 2008. via Flickr. CC. Modified by Kate Taliaferro 2016

Now, there are a few things that I take issue with in this statement, and I am pro-life. Regarding the 2nd sentence, I am sure that there are mothers out there, unfortunately, who go through periods of time that they regret having children. Maybe they regret a loss of independence or ability to work, maybe they are struggling to feed all the members of their family, maybe they regret the circumstances that lead to that child. While each child is a precious gift from God, we are a broken humanity who do not always recognize God’s gifts when we receive them.

But this is not my main issue. My main issue is the term “would be mothers.” Friends, if we ever, and I mean EVER, hope to bring about a cultural revolution for the culture of life, we have to first remove the log from our own eye before looking to anyone else’s. Consider the term “would be mother.” According to Merriam-Webster, “would-be” is defined as

used to describe someone who hopes to be a particular person or type of person

or

having the potential to be

So, based on this tweet and it’s language, a would be mother is someone who has the potential to be a mother, but isn’t. And you might say, of course. In this context, we are talking about a woman who had an abortion, so she isn’t a mother.

Or is she?

Here’s the kicker folks, by calling these women “would-be mothers” we are denying the fact that they ever were mothers. We are denying the fact that the life in her womb began at conception. Fr. Frank Pavone says it best:

A woman who is pregnant is not “expecting” a child. She already has one. The child exists and is living and growing in her womb. She is not about to bring the child “into the world.” The child is already in the world. The mother’s womb is as much in the world as the mother herself.

The pregnant woman is not “going to be” a mother. She already is a mother. By saying she is “going to be” a mother, we inadvertently reinforce the notion that motherhood begins at birth. This reinforces the idea that the child really is a child only at birth.

Theotokos. Using Proper Language to describe mothers. Daily Graces. kktaliaferro.wordpress.com — By MapperDB (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0], via Wikimedia Commons

So, what we say about the mother directly impacts what we know and believe about her child. The Church has understood this for centuries. The early Church held Mary in high esteem as the Mother of God, the Theotokos. Prior to the Council of Ephesus, 431, this term had been widely used for Mary. However, it wasn’t until the council that she was officially declared the Theotokos, the God-bearer. While this may seem like the emphasis is all on Mary, it is actually another way that the Church was protecting and promoting the belief in who Jesus is, in particular that he is both fully divine and fully human (the Incarnation).

Heresies and questionable teachings abounded in the early centuries of the Church. It was up to the councils to discern the Truth through the guidance of the Holy Spirit. One of the most hotly contested topics, obviously, revolved around Jesus. Was he truly God but only pretending to be human? Was he a super awesome human, maybe even divine-like, but not truly God? Was he a split, 50% God, 50% man, or some other ratio? Who was Jesus???

At the Council of Ephesus, a man named Nestorius began spreading doubt that Mary was truly Theotokos. He claimed she was the mother of Christ, the mother of the human Jesus, but not the mother of God. After all, how could God have a mother? Do you see how quickly things could have unraveled? If the Church had accepted Nestorius’ teaching, they would have been denying the totality of who Jesus was. For Jesus to be both fully human and fully divine, there is no way Mary could give birth to only part of Jesus. It’s all or nothing. If you want to read more, EWTN has a great summary here.

What we say about the mother directly impacts what we say about her child. Before we can ask others to see these precious little ones as fully, completely, in the here and now, children, we have to adjust the way we speak about their mothers.

Do you want to get involved in the pro-life movement? You can contact your parish or local diocese about events, the March for Life, peaceful protests and prayer vigils. You can also volunteer at a local pregnancy crisis center or see if they accept donations. If you are a rosary prayer, you can also add this simple prayer at the end of each decade following the O My Jesus prayer: “Jesus, protect and save the unborn.” Most importantly, you can pray for all those mothers and families who are faced with difficult situations and feel they have no other alternatives.

The Missing Ingredient

Published on June 20, 2016 by KateLeave a comment

Sometimes I have really good ideas. I mean really, really good ideas. Like what to do with the leftover spaghetti sauce (make stuffed shells – amazing!). Or, after promising macaroni and cheese for lunch only to find my pantry had failed me (no boxes for a quick lunch), I realized I had not only the perfect amount of time, but the ingredients as well to make it from scratch. It was delicious and lasted for 3 lunches instead of only 1.

But, sometimes I don’t always have the greatest ideas. Like the one time when Ben and I were first married and I made some kind of red wine pork tenderloin thing – I was trying to impress him. I don’t know what I did wrong but I served my poor husband a purple piece of meat. And I mean purple! He was a good sport about it but we have not revisited that particular recipe nor do we plan to. At least I haven’t poisoned him or anyone else that I know of, so that’s good. I did know one spouse who tried to make chicken pot pie for her husband but didn’t know she was supposed to cook the chicken first – from his telling he hasn’t had pot pie in years because his insides are still reeling from that meal. Yikes!

I think that it’s a natural thing to want to impress one another. We want to look good, we want to be perceived of in a positive way, we want to appear competent and capable. Part of successfully doing this is knowing the basics of whatever you are trying to accomplish. All the good ideas in the world will crumble if they are not based in some kind of foundation of solid facts and basic principles. I might have a great idea for mounting the television on the wall, but unless I have even a basic understanding of weight ratios, mounting screws and brackets, I will probably fail in my attempts, resulting in holes in the wall and a broken TV (no, I haven’t personally done this. However, there are a number of extra holes and misaligned curtain rods from my attempts at hanging curtains by myself during one of Ben’s deployments. I really have no foundation for drilling or drywall. That’s another story)

A few days ago I got to experience this lesson up close and personal. My aunt makes a delicious cherry cake which she has given me the recipe for. When I was young, I would spend a few weeks in the summer up on her farm and would help pick the cherries we put into the cakes. I have a lot of fond memories wrapped up in this cake. We would always top it with powdered sugar and if we were feeling especially indulgent, whipped cream – homemade whipped cream. It doesn’t get much better than that. As you can probably guess, I recently made the cherry cake. Perfection. We also had some leftover whipping cream from another recipe. Score 1 for the ultimate dessert experience, to the mixer!

The Missing Ingredient - do you have a solid foundation? Daily Graces kktaliaferro.wordpress.com

Then I stopped myself. You know, I said to myself, I can probably take this to a whole other level with lemon flavored whipped cream. The little touch of acid would go perfectly with the sweet, tart cherry cake. I was so confident I didn’t back up my lightbulb moment by verifying via my trusty friend Google on how one makes lemon flavored whipped cream. I’ve made whipped cream a bunch of times, how hard could it be? I’ll just throw in a touch of lemon extract, taste as I go, and it will be great.

Wrong. Very wrong.

The first night it was good, but a little weird. Something wasn’t quite right with the whipped cream. The lemon came through, but it didn’t rise to the heights I expected. Oh well, I thought, I guess I didn’t quite get it right this time. File it away and move on, there’s more cake to eat and plenty of whipped cream to go with it.

The second night was bad. The lemon extract was starting to turn the whipped cream. When you tasted it by itself you knew instantly you were eating sour whipped cream. Gross, gah, no!!!!! What went wrong???

First and foremost – my foundation was incomplete. Some post-traumatic whipped cream Googling showed me that even when I was just flavoring with vanilla extract, which is what I usually do, I was supposed to add a little sugar. I don’t think I’ve done that for the past year, since I’ve just been going off my memory. So the whipped cream I have been making is good, but not as sweet as it’s supposed to be. No wonder this version with lemon in it tasted sour.

Also, all the lemon flavored whipped cream recipes call for lemon zest or fresh juice, not extract. I can only assume that the extract made the issue worse, since it is concentrated lemon flavor.

What’s the moral of my sour tale? Be sure of your foundation! Consider the things that you know how to do really well. Do you know how to do them because you have a lifetime (or a long time) of training and practice (like writing, walking, talking, cooking, woodworking, driving a car, playing a sport, handling finances, etc.) or because you watched a few YouTube videos? Consider the the things you wished you could do really well – for me it’s knitting, exercising, cake decorating, and the discipline necessary for writing a book. Developing these activities or habits will not happen overnight, nor will they happen by a poof of pixie dust. You have to build a solid foundation of knowledge, practice, repetition and strength of will. Only then can you begin to construct or practice the finer points of your chosen craft or field.

This is also why I love the Catholic Church. The Church stretches back to the original disciples, to Jesus Himself. It has a firm, solid foundation that can literally be traced, tracked and followed through history. Consider the various heresies the early Church had to sort through, following the guidance of the Holy Spirit to find Truth and unity. They had to tackle huge questions, questions that are arguably much bigger than we are facing today – Who is Jesus? Was Jesus both human and divine or only one? What is the Trinity? What is Mary’s role and how does defining her role guard and explain who Jesus is? What, definitively in the form of a creed or statement, do we believe? Keep in mind they did this without the internet, without instant access to one another and without very safe means of travel to discuss matters with one another. It’s incredible!

I wish you well in your ideas, brainstorms, aha moments, trials and hopefully only minor errors. I hope that you continue to build and maintain firm foundations so that your ideas will be grounded in success and the wisdom of your efforts and those who came before you. The next time I have a brilliant idea in the kitchen, I’ll probably be verifying it before I go for it. Lesson learned =)

God bless and thanks for reading!

Melting a Heart of Stone

Published on June 17, 2016June 17, 2016 by Kate3 Comments

This day did not start out like a normal day. It actually started out as a rather terrible day. It was the day that Ben was coming home from a trip, which usually means it’s a day that is both exciting and awful all at once. Exciting because, obviously, Daddy’s finally coming home and the kids are bonkers, elated and otherwise screaming with joy. It is awful because time moves at its slowest speed and since we are all so excited our faces hurt from smiling, sometimes patience wears thin and tempers flare as we march through the day until he finally gets home.

Today was just such a day, except today started with one of my children, I won’t implicate them here, informing my still closed eyelids that there was potty on the couch while still dripping with it on the carpet in front of my bed. I flew out of bed to find indeed a soaking wet child as well as a drenched couch. Not only is Daddy coming home, now he is coming home to a pee-soaked former-favorite spot to sit.

Needless to say, I was not amused. I think my patience was forgotten in bed, probably still with my sleepy eyes and my temper was shorter than the coffee I had not yet drunk. With each paper towel, every squirt of any deodorizer I could get my hands on, and towel soiled, my heart hardened. The whole house smelled, breakfast still had to be made, children clothed and we had someplace to be by 10am. Oh, and I needed coffee. Badly.

Children truly are incredible in their ability to move on. The offending party was appropriately contrite, said all the right words and gave lots of hugs. They steered clear for a few minutes, recognizing that Mom was in rather a state. But only for a few minutes. Then, they were back to their happy-go-lucky selves, asking for extra juice and asking me to find a missing toy for them as if I wasn’t up to my elbows in pee and all manner of cleaners, almost desperate enough for a clothespin on my nose. Rather than being inspired by their uplifting attitude, it only fueled my stony heart.

I was turning into one of the disciples in the Gospel of Mark. They had just witnessed Jesus multiplying the loaves and the fish and now were looking across the sea to find Jesus walking to them in the midst of a storm. Mark says they were “astounded.” But at the same time, their hearts were hardened because they did not understand what Jesus was trying to tell them.

Jesus was trying to soften my heart through the cheerful attitudes of my children. Instead, I gave him the cold shoulder.

My mood, predictably, did not improve on its own. I needed some serious help. And thank goodness, I got it. We were driving to our morning event when Rosie asked to listen to the Vacation Bible School music that the kids had just finished that week. If it kept the car quiet and peaceful I was all for it so I turned it on, fading it to the back of course so that such uplifting, happy music wouldn’t influence my sour disposition (because who would want that? Clearly, I was stuck).

Then, very faintly, I heard the singing. I looked in the rearview mirror and saw John singing along to the song playing. Rosie quickly joined him. The next song they added some hand motions and even Clare tried to keep up, clapping and giggling. Slowly, my stony heart was melting. These beautiful, simple children, were praising God to the greatest of their abilities. They were filling the car with joy and adoration. Who was I to stand in the face of that worship, fold my arms and turn up my nose? Who was I to hold onto a grudge that I had to serve my family that morning, even if it was at a time not of my choosing or a task I was particularly fond of? I had been given an opportunity to serve my family with love, patience and and joy. I utterly failed on all counts.

The sweet joyful singing of my children brought me back to reality, sufficiently humbled and sorrowful for the example I had given them. Instead of seeing an opportunity to demonstrate love, I displayed petty anger, frustration and a general yucky attitude. And so I joined in their song, letting all those negative emotions ebb away as I allowed myself to be graced by their song. In those few moments my heart of stone was being melted away and replaced with a softened one capable of seeing God working in our day once again.

I’m not going to say the rest of the day was perfect, because of course it wasn’t. But it was better, so much better than if I had hung onto that stony heart rather than embracing a humbled, soft one.