Circumstances

No one lives with perfect circumstances. Things might be going really well, but there is always something in your life that could be fixed up. Even in the lives of Mary, Joseph, and Jesus – two of whom were perfect people in that they were without sin – even they lived in imperfect circumstances. We don’t get to pick our circumstances but we do choose how we respond to them. The Christmas season highlights a few different biblical characters and the way they chose to respond to unusual, perhaps even seemingly imperfect, circumstances.

Zachariah, the father of John the Baptist, responded with fear and doubt when told about his coming son by the angel. He relied on his own understanding and was not open to the possibilities the Holy Spirit could create. Mary, on the other hand, received a message from an angel about a baby as well. But in her case, she remained open to the action of the Holy Spirit, being willing to cooperate with God’s plans even though she did not understand them. She was filled with the Holy Spirit and even before Jesus was born we are able to hear how both Mary and Elizabeth (John the Baptist’s mother) speak inspired words to one another. Both Mary’s fiat, her “yes” to God, and her Magnificat spring from her faith and trust in God’s love.

The Holy Spirit still speaks to us today if we are attentive. Sometimes in the words of others, sometimes in the words that come out of our own mouth. Sometimes, even in our imperfect circumstances.

This fall, my mom was diagnosed with a glioblastoma tumor in her brain. This is an aggressive type of tumor and it was less than 48 hours between diagnosis and brain surgery to remove as much as possible. Our whole world was completely turned upside down. Thankfully, the surgery was as successful as the doctors could hope for. There is still a long road to go, and we don’t know the twists and turns that will come.

Before my mom was diagnosed, she had some speech and word finding issues. After surgery, the doctors said she could have a hard time with speech due to the location of the tumor. We have some funny stories of those early days and the word switches, misses, and adaptations my mom came up with as her healing began. Every so often, she still slips. However, there is one particular slip that I believe is Holy Spirit inspired.

While the chemo my mom was prescribed are daily oral pills she can take at home, radiation had to happen at a cancer center. Every weekday for 6 weeks she went to the center for treatment. After a few visits and settling into a routine, she began calling “radiation” “adoration.” Obviously, these two things are definitely different. And yet, as we talked about it, I can’t help but feel there is some kind of Holy Spirit inspiration between the switch.

What happens in radiation? For a few minutes (really, less than 10, it’s rather remarkable), the person has to lie in perfect stillness while the mechanisms and machinery delivers the radiation treatment to a specific and carefully aligned area of the body. There isn’t anything my mom can do to make this process more effective or efficient except to be faithful to the treatment process. If she didn’t go every day, the effectiveness would greatly diminish. If she wasn’t compliant to the doctor’s recommendations for staying active even when she was exhausted, to try her best to eat as well as she could even when all she wanted was saltines, her body wouldn’t be as strong as it could be to continue fighting this invisible enemy.

What is adoration? Adoration is coming to adore Christ. It is taking time out of our day to place Jesus at the center of our life. Typically, people are pretty still during adoration, with sitting or kneeling being the predominant postures. Adoration is an opportunity to open ourselves up to Jesus’ action in our lives, to let him highlight the areas of our life in need of his mercy, his healing, and his love. In Adoration we can receive inspiration for how to live our lives, what actions should we do or avoid that will help us more fully follow God’s Will. We faithfully show up to adoration, but it’s God’s action that is on display.

From this light, there is a lot in common between radiation and adoration. If you are willing, I’d like to invite you to pray for my mom, Mary Kay, and for her healing. I’d also invite you to pray for my dad, Steve, as he walks this journey with her. My parents have both asked for prayers specifically through Chiara Lubich’s intercession. Long-time readers will hopefully recognize Chiara as the founder of the Focolare Movement that our family is a part of. Below is the prayer of intercession that is officially recognized by the Church. Chiara is a named Servant of God but cannot move forward in the canonization process without miracles associated with her intercession. God willing, my mom can be one of those miracles.


Eternal Father, source of Love, and of every light and goodness, we give You thanks for the charism of unity given to Chiara and for the remarkable witness to the Church and humanity that she gave of this charism, remaining faithful to Jesus Forsaken.

Grant us, O Father, through the action of the Holy Spirit and the Word lived in the present moment, and in following Chiara’s example, the grace to contribute together with all people of good will to the fulfilment of Your Son’s will: “That they may all be one!”

Humbly we ask You to grant us, Your children, to live in mutual love and in love of all so as to rejoice in the presence of the Risen One while, in communion with Chiara and through her intercession, we ask You, if it be Your will, the grace for the complete healing of Mary Kay Jennrich from brain cancer, through Jesus and for the glory of the Most Holy Trinity.

Amen

If you’d like to learn more about Chiara and the movement, I have three resources for you. First is the film Love Conquers All that can be viewed on Formed.org. Many parishes subscribe to this streaming database. Check with your local parish if you are unsure if you have free access or not. The second is the primary website of the Focolare Movement. Third is the main media resource for the Focolare which has videos, articles, and other resources you may be interested in.

Daily Graces. kktaliaferro.wordpress.com

Pentecost 2023

It would be an understatement to say human beings are unique. Being made in the image and likeness of God is no small thing. In fact, it’s everything!

In the book of Genesis, we hear the stories of creation. The writer talks of God’s breath as a mighty wind stirring up the waters. Then, light bursts into the scene where formless darkness was before. God speaks creation into being with the “Let there be…and there was” formula. This mighty wind, these spoken words, are images of the Holy Spirit at work.

It is not surprising then that when God made man, He breathed in him, filling the man with His life. We were made to hold God’s life within us (more on this in this week’s video). Then, after the Fall of Adam and Eve, we lost our connection. God still gave humans life, as He does all His creatures. But a light was dimmed, a door closed. We could no longer fully have access to that life-giving Spirit of God.

In our Gospel today, John tells us that Jesus breathed on the apostles and they received the Holy Spirit. The breath of the divine, the creative force that moves through the world, came to be at home once again in human beings. The very same Holy Spirit Jesus filled the apostles with is in each person who has received Baptism and Confirmation.

If you’ve been here for a while, you know I have a growing relationship with the Holy Spirit. It’s quite the ride, as I was sharing with my daughter. A few videos ago, I mentioned how I was feeling a tug to offer myself as a long term sub for one of the more challenging perpetual adoration slots – 1-2am. I sent that email with much trepidation, hoping to be politely declined. I’m sure you know where this is going. For the next month, I’m filling that spot.

This is a hugely busy time. As I type this, we just finished a marathon purge and cleaning overhaul of our house to prepare for sale pictures. Showings begin this weekend (your prayers for the swift sale of our home are greatly appreciated). We have to unpack what we stashed so that the actual packing for moving can happen. I have to remember where I put whose books, which closet the toothbrushes got to, answer repeated questions about the timing of it all, and not have McDonalds for dinner every night for the next few weeks. It’s overwhelming!

In the overwhelm, it’s so tempting to claim you don’t have time for God, for prayer, for quiet. And if you do take the time, then your brain is running in overdrive with lists of all the things you have to do once you’ve checked “God-time” off the list. Neither of these will fill you the grace you so desperately need.

I’ve only filled that 1-2am slot once so far, but let me tell you something. I was shocked at how little time I spent considering my lists, because I was focused on: 1. Staying awake, 2. How blissful my bed would be when I got home 3. The absolute delight complete stillness and quiet is.

I know this isn’t a hugely Godly list, but it was such a gentle reprieve for my overtaxed brain. I needed this. And I will continue to need this, weekly, during these next weeks. I hope that as it becomes more familiar, I will be able to turn my thoughts to somewhat loftier ones. For now, I am basking in the Holy Spirit’s goodness. He knows me better than I know myself and it was through following where He led that I found this oasis for my soul.

Daily Graces. kktaliaferro.wordpress.com

When You Don’t Know What to Pray For

I am stuck. I don’t know what to pray for in this particular situation and it is uncomfortable, to put it mildly. Have you ever been unsure of what to pray for? It’s more than apathy, or not caring about what comes from the situation. I genuinely don’t know what I want from this moment in time.

Let me back up. As you know, Ben is in the military which means we move a fair amount. Actually, we have moved less often than many of our peers. This has been a blessing but it’s catching up with us for Ben’s career. We are looking at another move this coming summer, putting us at a brief 2.5 years in Kansas compared to the 4+ in both California and Texas. The upcoming move is poised to be an even quicker turn around. Ben is eligible for a leadership school which is a fantastic opportunity. However, it means we move…somewhere…for a year. Then move again.

From where we stand today, it looks like we have 2 possible options.

  1. Do the move. Pack everyone up, move to a new place for a single year, knowing we will be moving again. The moves would be during the summers, so at least the kids would have some consistency in school. I do not know at this point if we would go back to homeschooling for that year or keep them in traditional school. That’s a whole other issue. But we would all be together.
  2. Don’t move. Ben goes, we stay. The kids can continue at our local parish school which has brought so, so many blessings to our family. They have some continuity with friends, location, activities, etc. We have found so much good here, I am extremely sad to think that this is going to be such a short duty station for them compared to previous. But wow, Ben goes. That means Ben is an airplane ride away (based on the current information we have). He would be able to come home only as we have funds for him to fly, the military will not pay for any of those visits.

So….right. How to pray in this situation. I truly don’t know what I want. I don’t want to move knowing how brief it will be. I do not want Ben to miss the majority of a year of time with us, especially when it’s of our own choosing.

We don’t have to make any decisions yet, and we still need to be informed of where he would be attending school. That particular detail – the location – is going to be a big factor of this decision process. We don’t get to choose that part, however, the Air Force will tell us where we are going. What do I pray for? The locations we would want to move everyone to? The locations we would not?

I’m sure others have been in similar situations. You want to get the job but it means leaving good friends and coworkers. You desperately need a snow day but don’t want to shovel (just me?). Someone has to die for your family member to receive a life-saving transplant. Whether serious or otherwise, there are genuinely times when we just don’t know what we ultimately want to happen.

I have had to step back and recognize that, in the end, it’s not supposed to be about what I want. I want a lot of things, cheesecake and yarn included, but that doesn’t mean I always get them or actually need them. In this particular situation, what I want doesn’t actually matter because I have no influence over the situation. I can’t call up the Air Force and let them know how I desire things to play out. It’s in God’s hands, not mine.

Which means I need to change my prayers. I could say, “I don’t know what I want so there’s no point in praying about it until the Air Force gives us more information, then I’ll think about it.” But this is a lie perfectly planted by the devil himself. St. Paul tells us to pray without ceasing. We shouldn’t put God on hold until x, y, or z falls into place. Or worse, come to the conclusion that God is only worth praying to if x, y, or z happens.

I may not know what I want, but God knows what I need. Instead of praying for what I want to happen, I have been trying to root all my prayers in Jesus’ prayer:

Not my will, but Yours be done

Luke 22:42

This situation isn’t about me, though it affects me. This is bigger. It is about where God desires our family for the next year. The people we will interact with, the blessings we can offer others, the blessings others are called to share with us. By pulling myself back and checking my emotions, I am slowly becoming more peaceful about the phone call that will, fingers crossed, hopefully be coming to Ben soon. Whatever God is calling our family to next will be hard, but I trust it is going to be God’s will for our family. He will continue to provide for us as He always has.

I have only come to this place of peace because of Adoration. We are blessed with a 24-hour Adoration chapel at our parish. Whenever we are at the chapel, aside from Sundays for whatever the reason, Gabe, our 3 year old, asks if we can stop in. We only spend a few minutes, but those minutes add up. No matter the time spent, the presence of Jesus in the Eucharist is powerful. I am so thankful for these minutes and that it is Gabe who has drawn me into that quiet space. It was there I felt those simple, hard words resonate within me.

Perhaps what God is calling you to next will be hard. Maybe you don’t know what you want next from a present situation. That just means that He is already preparing the grace you need to shower upon you as you set forth into that new place. Join your voice with Jesus’. Allow your desires and wants to diminish as you gaze upon God’s loving face. As it is Advent, this is a fantastic season to spend time in Adoration. Run to God, open your hands and let Him see you know know what you want next. Let Him remove that burden of choice from you and allow His Will to become your true desire.

Daily Graces. kktaliaferro.wordpress.com