Be a Good Past Self

kktaliaferro.wordpress.com. Lenten Resolutions, Be a Good Past Self #DailyGraces
My husband has a funny habit of talking about himself in 3 versions: Past Self, Present Self and Future Self. He will have a dilemma, a project or task that Present Self does not want to deal with but he knows he will have to do eventually. There is a choice, do the task and move on, or, let Future Self deal with it. Then, when Present Self catches up with Future Self and the task cannot be put off any longer, something like “Past Self sure is a jerk sometimes” will be uttered before he gets to work.

I love these little debates and have actually started having them myself sometimes. As I was reflecting on what to do for Lent this year (yes, I’m sorry to bring up the fact that Lent is already coming! It seems like it came too quickly this year, probably because we’ve been practicing Lent songs in choir for what feels like weeks now), I kept thinking about this whole Past Self/Future Self quandary.

We all have things we don’t particularly enjoy doing. Maybe for you it’s cooking breakfast. Maybe for someone else it’s folding laundry. Maybe for someone else it’s cleaning the bathroom (I’ll raise my hand for that one). Maybe for someone else it’s mowing the lawn or taking out the trash. Whatever your something is, you know you’ve got it.

Now imagine (or maybe just reflect on reality depending on the task – I’ll probably be doing that for this exercise) what the task in question would be like if you put it off for a week. You did nothing to help yourself out, you didn’t do a little piece at a time. Maybe you felt you didn’t have time, maybe you chose not to make time. How much more difficult is your task going to be and how much longer is it going to take because you have avoided it entirely? Your job will most likely take longer, be more difficult, and you are more likely to do it with a grimace on your face.

Now, imagine a different scenario. Let’s say your unpleasant task is doing the dishes. Rather than letting them pile up throughout the day you explore an alternative option. When you wake up, you immediately unload the dishwasher (yes, you can get your coffee going first). Then, after breakfast, your dishes immediately go in the already emptied dishwasher. Your kids want a snack a while later. No problem, especially if you ask them to bring their dishes to the counter or if they are big enough, to put them in the dishwasher themselves. No dishes on the table and none in the sink and it’s already lunch time! Continue the trend. Most importantly, you clean up as you go with as you make dinner. Dirty a spoon? Straight into the dishwasher. Finished with a pan? You’ve got a bowl of hot soapy water waiting in the sink. Evening comes and your dishes are basically done, maybe just a few ice cream bowls to celebrate a dishes day well spent. You were a good Past Self, so Future Self gets to relax and enjoy her Downton Abbey and not have to scrub the living daylights off the crusty oatmeal bowls from breakfast.

Most of life works like this. We can do a little at a time, or let things pile up. Personally, the higher the pile, the less likely I’m going to do it (kind of like the pile of laundry I’m presently avoiding because, sometimes, my Past Self is a jerk too).

So, Lent this year: Be a good Past Self. Hopefully it will mean I ultimately have more time for prayer and I will do my tasks with a happier disposition.

Just Let it Go

Gotcha – I bet you assumed this post would be about the classic movie all parents are avoiding like the plague. Though I am able to recite the movie almost word-for-word, this post, thankfully for all involved, is not about Frozen.

Now that that’s out of the way, I was wondering if anyone has had a similar experience to this one. Insert your own child or experience with children to the scenario below:

Child A is throwing/hitting/talking back/teasing or generally misbehaving. After repeated re-directions, talks, explanations and pleads, the child will not find something productive or positive to do. You start to lose it. After all, by now they know that they are doing something that they shouldn’t. “Time out!” you yell. The child’s reaction is expected but no less grating – scream, yell back and tantrum. At this point, you are both heated and you both need a break.

Have you noticed how for many kids, they legitimately seem to let it go (ah, now the title makes sense) when their time out is over. For the most part, both once through with their break in time out and after they’ve apologized for their actions, they bounce back in the room happy and ready to get on with their day. It’s amazing.

Continue reading “Just Let it Go”

A Better View

Another lag in posting has occurred. I try not to put up too much information about Ben and his travels, for a number of reasons. The biggest one being the instantaneous nature of the internet and how quickly it can compromise not only his safety, but those who he works with as well as our own. Ben recently returned home from a deployment and we have been spending some much needed quality family time together, hence the unannounced break.

Image from: http://disney.wikia.com/wiki/Sofia_the_First_(character)
Image from: http://disney.wikia.com/wiki/Sofia_the_First_(character)

I’ve been keeping a list on my phone of inspirations for blog posts and this one comes from that list. A while back, John and Rosie were super into the DisneyJr. show, Sofia the First. Basically, Sofia’s mother marries the king and they go from villagers to royalty. The whole show is Sofia learning what it means to be a princess, making mistakes, and shaking up the accepted norms of princess behavior.

Not all of the episodes are profound, but some have some pretty decent lessons for young children. One such episode was about putting others before yourself and having an optimistic attitude. The castle butler, Baileywick, is celebrating his birthday and the king and queen decide to give him the day off. His brother comes to town and plans out an elaborate day. However, everyone is used to Baileywick helping them whenever they ask, regardless of his current activities. So, when he tries to leave for his birthday activities, he is continually stopped by the castle children to assist with butterfly catching and tea party color coordination, among other things.

Now, I imagine most of us would get quite fed up with this lack of respect and selfishness of the children. They all know that it is Baileywick’s day off, but they insist that he help them first. Baileywick’s brother actually tries to leave, frustrated that his whole day was spent waiting for Baileywick to finish helping, only to miss the planned activity altogether.

Rather than give into frustration, Baileywick chooses to remain positive. Each time they miss an activity, Baileywick just points to the next one, confident that he and his brother will still be able to spend some time together. His brother is in awe that Baileywick always manages to look on the bright side of things. I actually wrote down Baileywick’s response, it’s that good.

“That’s because there’s always a better view there.”

Such a simple philosophy, but what a great way to think about things. It’s basic optimism, but with a strong visual image to go with it. Studies have shown what an incredible benefit it is to have an optimistic outlook (check out this article if you are interested).

As I’m writing more and reflecting more, I’m finding some recurring themes. One of them is the development of habits. It is easier to make good choices if you have a habit of making good choices. It is easier to be disciplined in a certain area if you have developed the habit of discipline in others. I believe the same goes for optimism.

Baileywick not only teaches the benefits of a habit of optimism but also a habit of self-sacrifice and service to others.

GI3MSBZAAY