A Wellspring

We aren’t farmers. It’s good to say that from the start. This past summer our family moved again and this time we chose a home that sits on a little less than 4 acres of land. A good portion is woods, but we are definitely “in the country” side of town. Our neighbors have horses that we can see every morning from our front yard. Down the lane another neighbor has a large garden and the best tomatoes at their farm stand during the summer.

When we bought our home we knew it was on a well. Naively, we thought we knew enough about wells due to a few previous experiences that, in hindsight, did not at all provide us with enough information to believe we knew what it meant to live with a well.

You don’t know what you don’t know

After a few formative experiences, such as learning that standing water around the well did not in fact mean we had a such a surplus of water it was literally bubbling out of the ground – this meant we had a serious leak that should have been addressed at least a month prior – we are quickly realizing that there is a lot to learn about wells. There is also a lot that is simply beyond our control.

When we first moved in, we let the well alone. We didn’t know how to measure its depth, and according to our neighbor the well had always been sufficient for the previous owners. It should be noted, again, hindsight being so clear, that the previous owners were an elderly couple. The water usage in laundry alone when comparing the needs of an elderly couple and our family of eight is rather extreme. So, while the well might have produced more than enough for them, our family has a very different level of need.

After the aforementioned leak experience, we figured out how to measure the well’s depth. We have a spreadsheet where we are tracking the depth of the well twice a week. We also have a rain gauge so we can keep a good account of the amount of rain we get. We have learned things like just because it’s raining today doesn’t mean we will see those gains in the well tomorrow. It takes a few months for the rain of today to filter down deep enough to be seen in the well. And, if there is a dry period, we can expect to see that reflected in the well’s measurements a few months later.

To whom does water belong?

We have learned so much in a few months. And yet, there is little of it we can control besides measuring and watching. Laundry still has to be done. Toilets have to be flushed. Dishes have to be washed and showers taken. We use water all the time. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of the well. We have even started including the well in our nightly prayers as a family.

This whole experience has given me a deeper appreciation for those who rely on the weather for their livelihood and way of life. We are fortunate that we can call a company to bring water to refill the well (we’ve had to once already) when, in our ignorance, we ran it dry. Now, as we learn more, we are striving to maintain a better understanding of the well, where it is sitting, and how we can modify our habits to be good users of the water we have available. Not everyone has such a luxury.

I am also praying my morning prayer with more awareness. So many psalms talk about the importance of water and all its many facets. (The following are quotes from the Liturgy of the Hours translation of the Psalms).

  • O God, you are my God, for you I long; for you my soul is thirsting. My body pines for you, like a dry, weary land without water. Psalm 63:2
  • The Lord’s voice resounding on the waters, the Lord on the immensity of waters; the voice of the Lord, full of power, the voice of the Lord, full of splendor. Psalm 29:3-4
  • The Lord’s is the earth and its fullness, the world and all its peoples. It is he who set it on the seas; on the waters he made it firm. Psalm 24:1-2
  • Indeed you love truth in the heart; then in the secret of my heart teach me wisdom. O purify me, then I shall be clean; O wash me, I shall be whiter than snow. Psalm 51:8-9
  • You care for the earth, give it water; you fill it with riches. Your river in heaven brims over to provide its grain. And thus you provide for the earth; you drench its furrows, you live it soften it with showers, you bless its growth. Psalm 65:10-11

The list goes on. Water doesn’t belong to us. This well doesn’t belong to us. I am discovering our relationship with water in this house is a lot like the Serenity Prayer. We can absolutely take ownership of how we use the water, but we cannot control its availability. We have to rely on God’s providence in the weather.

So much of the big things in life are like this. We have the gift of life, of waking up each morning. We can choose how to spend our day, but we rely on God’s love and mercy to wake us up tomorrow. We can take ownership of our actions, but we cannot demand others act or perceive our actions in a certain manner. We can make great plans for the future and have them all change in a single day.

Through this well, our family is learning to rely even more on God. We are learning to be more patient and to be more aware of the gifts He provides the earth in the form of rain. Water is precious. Life is precious. While it would be so much easier to be on city water, I wouldn’t trade these lessons and conversations we have had because of our well.

Daily Graces. kktaliaferro.wordpress.com

A Place for Guests – Your Guest Space

While not every home may have a designated “guest room,” most families have some kind of space or plan for how to host guests. In our home, our guest space is multi-functional. When we do not have one of our parents (our most frequent guests – hooray for grandparents!) staying with us, the guest room serves as a sewing/weaving/film scanning/3-D printer/violin practice/overflow storage room. That’s quite a lot for one room. Whenever I am preparing for someone to come stay, I usually end up in the middle of it and wonder, “Where am I going to put them with all the stuff in here!?”

No matter how multi-functional your guest space is, there are things you do when you know someone is coming. I can recall whenever my own grandmother would come to stay we always had to clean the bathroom. It didn’t matter if it had been cleaned the day prior, my mom always (at least it felt like always, she may say differently) had to have the bathroom clean. I have a little mental checklist I try to get through at least 24 hours before a guest arrives. It goes something like this:

  • Clean the bathroom (surprised?)
  • Dust the guest room
  • Verify the sheets are clean
  • Clear off the table as much as possible to allow for guest use
  • Tidy room as much as possible, lament over how crammed it is, wish I had better storage solutions, try to cram the yarn boxes deeper into the closet, remember the closet doors won’t close because of the looms in the way, straighten the bed covers again because I can at least make that presentable, close the door and say it’s good enough.

It’s not perfect, obviously.

There’s another kind of guest I’d like to consider. So far, I’ve been thinking about the planned guest. What about the unplanned or spontaneous guest? What do you do when you child wants to have a playdate or you think it would be nice to have a family over for a weekend bbq? Depending on when you make those plans, you may or may not have time to overhaul your house.

When we lived in California, I dreaded having anyone over. I felt like our home was never clean enough, that I wasn’t prepared enough. I did not have a good system of cleaning and staying on top of things. I was easily overwhelmed with the prospect of hosting someone. I wanted to be the person who had it all together. Standing on the corner talking with a neighbor, playing at the park with a friend, the facade could stand. But to come into our home it would quickly crumble – at least from my perspective. I am a little sad to look back at that time, to see my lack of confidence in who I was and that I was enough, even if my home was quite less than magazine worthy (spoiler alert, it still isn’t magazine worthy). I know there are some friendships that I did not cultivate as I could have because of these doubts.

Back in 2010, the English version of the Roman Missal underwent a translation overhaul. One big change came during the Eucharistic Prayer. After singing the Lamb of God, we kneel. The priest elevates the Body and Blood of Jesus as says, “Behold the Lamb of God, behold him who takes away the sins of the world. Blessed are those called to the supper of the Lamb.” In the old translation, we said, “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you. Only say the word and I shall be healed.” Today, this response has changed to mirror the words of the Roman centurion from Matthew 8:5-8 who said, “Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof. Only say the word and my servant will be healed.” The faith of the centurion was so great, Jesus healed his servant on the spot, not needing to go be physically with him.

When we echo the words of the centurion, we are placing ourselves before Jesus, asking Him to heal us even in our brokenness. Even though our homes and hearts are not perfect, our checklists not complete to welcome him. We acknowledge our unworthiness. St. Paul says it more eloquently than I ever could: “But God proves His love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). And again, “All have sinned and are deprived of the glory of God. They are justified freely by His grace through the redemption in Christ Jesus” (Romans 3:23-34).

Jesus does not say, “Get it together, then I’ll come over.” Yes, we are sinners. We are broken. But we are not lost. Jesus is the best kind of guest if we just let Him in. He will help us with our daily tasks, He will encourage us when times are tough, and no matter the mess, He will never leave us in our neediness. It doesn’t matter whether we’ve cleaned under the beds or not.

We are entering Holy Week. We’ve gone through most parts of our homes, considering how the function both physically and spiritually. As we transition to these holiest of days, the Church invites us into her home in a unique way. For each of the days of Triduum (Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Holy Saturday), once a year liturgical experiences are celebrated. We are entering the heart of our faith, the Paschal Mystery which is Jesus’ suffering, death and resurrection.

Every year we celebrate these sacred mysteries. Jesus didn’t wait for the world to be ready before He came to save us. Every year we are invited to delve deeper into this gift of salvation, to invite Jesus to a more intimate relationship within us. Every day we have the opportunity to welcome Jesus into our home, but these days of Holy Week are exceptional.

This week, instead of focusing on our physical homes, take the time you have been using with these reflections to spend time on your spiritual home. Have you invited Jesus into your heart? Take Him on a tour of the work you’ve done these past weeks. How have you grown? Where do you need His mercy, His strength or His tenderness? Think about the Triduum days from last year. What liturgies did you attend? Stretch yourself and plan to attend one more than last year. Embrace these days and the spiritual drama that is unfolding. These days are one big story and we are invited to enter into it.

Daily Graces. kktaliaferro.wordpress.com

A Place for Rest – The Bedrooms

There is something sacred about your bedroom. I don’t think I consciously realized this until I noticed how fiercely my children guard their individual beds and bedtime things. Our kids each have a few (ok, total honesty? Clare, our 7 year old, has about 30 bedtime friends and multiple blankets in a friend fortress, or castle, or something it changes weekly) bedtime stuffed animals. These are special, sacred things to them. When we travel, they come with (no, not all 30 of Clare’s. We put the limit on 2. I can only handle keeping tabs on so many stuffed animals in a hotel room). For Gabe, our 2 year old, they are necessary for sleeping. He wakes up in the middle of the night and if he can’t find one of them, he cries for us to help him. You don’t mess with bedtime friends.

This isn’t to say that adults don’t have their own bedtime quirks, because they do. Ben feels pretty strongly about his pillow. If I were to switch our pillows he would immediately notice and insist on switching back. We all have a bedtime routine of some kind, even if it isn’t one we intentionally crafted. How many times have you gotten into bed and realized you accidentally forgot to do a part of your routine? I would bet you ultimately got up and completed whatever it was before you could sleep soundly.

As humans, we need rest. It is part of who we are and how our bodies function. Everyone knows what it feels like to be sleep deprived and most do what they can to avoid it. Our bodies have a whole series of functions and tasks that occur only during sleep. On the whole, we will not be able to perform our day to day tasks well if we do not sleep well.

Sleep scientists have compiled whole lists of things we can do to help us sleep better. Parents already know quite a few from their days of struggling to teach their children to sleep. A routine helps tell your body it is time to sleep. Engaging in stretching or other gentle exercises help to relax your body and rest your mind. Journaling is a great way to let go of the day’s work and worries. Environmental factors such as a lighting, temperature and breathing ability (sleep apnea is no joke) will affect the quality of your sleep.

As you spend time in your and the other members of your family’s bedrooms, consider the following questions:

  • Does this space encourage rest?
  • Can the person sleeping here access what they need in an environment that is conducive to sleep?
  • Does this room have unnecessary items that do not promote sleep?
    • This could range from an overflowing closet, too many toys, electronics, general clutter
  • All bedrooms inevitably end up with some kind of storage space, usually under a bed or in a closet. If you are up for a challenge, empty those storage spaces and see what needs to stay, what can be donated and what needs to go.

Spiritually speaking, God is a big promoter of rest. Part of God’s great actions of creation was to rest on the 7th day. We wouldn’t talk about it if it wasn’t significant. God modeled for us the goodness of rest and we should take note. In our modern culture, most jobs provide for time off during the week. It may not be on the traditional weekend (Saturday and Sunday), but the days are there. We recognize that it is not good for people to work non-stop. There has to be time for hobbies, for entertainment and for rest.

As Christians and Catholics, we also recognize that there needs to be time set aside for God. The Church offers us Sunday as our day of rest, the day that Jesus rose from the dead. We attend Mass, joining together with our community to worship God and keep holy the Sabbath as instructed in the 10 Commandments. But we know that to have a healthy relationship with God, we need to give Him more than 60 minutes on Sundays. Each day there needs to be time to connect with God, to talk with Him, to be with Him. Just as we need to sleep everyday to be physically healthy, we need to rest with God everyday to be spiritually healthy.

Take time this week to assess how much time you spend at rest. How do you use that time? Could you try to spend a few more moments resting with God, rather than Instagram? Could you read a Scripture passage instead of a Tweet? Challenge yourself to rest more with God and less with the things of this world.

One final week! I wonder what last space we will be in. I’m looking forward to talking with you about it then!

Daily Graces. kktaliaferro.wordpress.com